1. Turn down a butter popsicle.
“Iowa” food is both simple and challenging. We’ve taken our “meat and potatoes” comfort food origins to a new and glorious level. After all, fried butter on a stick is the ultimate American culinary contribution, is it not? In fact, at the Iowa State Fair, we can (and do) put just about anything on a stick and fry it up, Jell-O included. No wonder there’s a freaking Broadway musical about the wonders of this event. Skip the fair and your palette hasn’t lived.
But, alas, the Iowa State Fair is only once a year, and we don’t actually hand our children butter popsicles on the daily in an effort to get them closer to their culture. But we might have a scotcheroo when we’re having a bad day, or maybe we’ll sit down with a tenderloin the size of Kim Kardashian’s backside. Or we’ll walk around with a walking taco at a football game because why would anyone walk around with a regular taco? That’s just silly. We’ve mastered comfort and convenience. Now that’s American. Put down your kale and Iowa up already.