Photo: Thomas Hawk
On a flight from Denver to Baltimore, a father complained that a PG-13 movie was too violent for his children. The flight attendants didn’t want to turn off the overhead screen, so he got up to address his problems with the captain. Instead of responding, the captain diverted the flight to Chicago where the family was questioned by authorities. After explaining the misunderstanding, the family was quickly rebooked on a flight home. The family is still angry.
I’ve never heard of a father who really cared what movies his kids were watching on an airplane. Most people would respond to objectionable content by just making their kids read the in-flight magazine. If there were an airline run by someone who really didn’t care about their clientele, here’s an incredible list of movies that would freak out most of their passengers.
- Alive – If your plane does crash, you have to wonder which of your fellow passengers you’re going to want to eat.
- Airplane! – Airplane! is one of the best movies ever made, and it’d probably be fine to show on an airplane if it weren’t for the scene where passengers watch planes crashing while their own plane descends uncontrollably.
- Con Air – The plane full of convicts crashes on the Las Vegas Strip, but most audiences will be creeped out by Steve Buscemi’s serial killer who escapes to start a new life at the end of the film.
- United 93 – Having to relive a national tragedy, while seated in the setting, is 3x the scary.
- Snakes on a Plane – What’s scarier than both snakes and planes? Oh I actually saw this movie on a flight in Mexico (on my laptop) where the most famous line is explained as: “¡Estoy cansado sobre esos pinches serpientes abordo este maldito avion!”
- Flight – The movie starts with an epic crash scene that will make people wish they hadn’t boarded this flight. The rest of the movie is pretty boring though.
- Airport 77 – There is a plane crash, but people would revolt because 1970s movies get pretty dull.
- Passenger 57 – I remember that this movie had a porn parody called Passenger 69. That’d also probably piss people off aboard a flight.
- Air Force One – Terrorists hijack the president’s plane without realizing that he’s a badass. Passengers would probably approve, but will be in turmoil for most of the flight.
- Flightplan – A kidnapping aboard your plane, while you’re on the plane! Whoa, except it’s worse because she is in first class, and you’re sandwiched between linebackers.
- Red Eye – The person sitting next to you might also be a terrorist.
- Broken Arrow – Most captive audiences are not traveling aboard stealth bombers, but they’d probably be unhappy by the explosions and Christian Slater’s acting.
- Crash Landing – This would be bad because the title is “Crash Landing” and also most passengers don’t understand Mandarin.
- Turbulence – Ray Liotta tries to fly a plane through skyscrapers!
- Skyjacked – Some people will love the portmanteau, others will love the classic actors, others will close their eyes in terror.
- Flight of the Living Dead – The movie is entirely based on a pun. Americans hate puns.