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39 Signs You Learned to Drink in Charleston

Student Work
by Baker Manning Feb 4, 2015

1. You can open a beer bottle with an oyster shell.

2. You’ve run into Byron The Bum on your way to Burris Liquor store, and traded him a mini bottle for a neck massage.

3. When partying out of town, you’re disappointed when the bartender refuses to split one shot three ways.

4. Despite living in “The Holy City,” your Sunday mornings are spent getting wasted at Mad River.

5. You only know what month it is by the beer special at AC’s.

6. After one too many shots of Grandma at Big John’s Tavern, you’ve been issued a drunk-in-public ticket by a police officer on a horse.

7. You’ve gotten hammered while shucking oysters on a 300-year old plantation at the Lowcountry Oyster Festival.

8. You know someone who got a DUI on a bicycle.

9. You’ve smoked a cigarette inside The Griffon while being served a bourbon and coke out of a mini-bottle.

10. After several hours of boating, you’ve drunk enough liquid courage to climb the 30-ft. ladder and jump into the water from the Ben Sawyer Bridge.

11. You’ve popped bottles of champagne and watched fireworks on the WWII Battleship, USS Yorktown, on NYE.

12. You’ve grubbed down on Dave’s Seafood or Gilroys Pizza at 4am.

13. You’ve bought 40s with a fake ID at the T n L corner store on Spring Street.

14. You know that the best way to cut the salty taste of the ocean is Firefly Sweet Tea vodka, mixed with water and lemonade.

15. While drinking on Folly, you’ve had to return to Bert’s multiple times in one day for more beer.

16. You can ride out a wave, jump in a creek, or fall off a boat, without spilling your beer.

17. You know that the weekend starts on Thursday, with $1 beers at the River Dog’s game, before heading to James Island County Park to dance to live reggae music.

18. Despite having no memory of the previous night, judging by the sand in your bed, a palmetto rose on your dresser, and a serious case of “Charleston Black Foot,” you know that you must have gone barhopping downtown after leaving Folly.

19. You’ve gotten funny looks from Sunday morning churchgoers, as you rock the haggard stagger down King Street during your walk of shame.

20. While partyhopping, you’ve stopped at the fire station on Coming Street and slid down the pole.

21. You’ve partied in Gnarnia.

22. You’ve sipped on Bloody Marys while cruising along the Charleston Harbor with dozens of boats all decked out in Xmas decorations.

23. You know Labradors who are trained to open up a cooler, and retrieve beers.

24. After turning the wrong way down a one way street and nearly hitting a horse and carriage full of tourists, you realize that bar crawling on a bicycles is not such a good idea.

25. You’ve been to a bikini contest at the Wind Jammer in Isle of Palms.

26. You’ve watched world records being set while getting drunk at a Ski and Wakeboarding Competition at Trophy Lakes.

27. You’ve spotted Bill Murray across the bar, and possibly even taken a shot with him.

28. You’ve gotten so wasted at Shem Creek Bar and Grill after taking way too many oyster shooters from Big Al that you run aground as you try to boat away.

29. You carry a large purse with you when partying to hold keg cups for house parties, and a pair of sandals you can change into when you’re too drunk to walk in heels.

30. When partying out of town, you’re pleasantly surprised to learn that the liquor stores stay open past 7, and that you can buy liquor on Sundays.

31. You’ve swung into the Wando River on the secret rope swing right after slapping a bag of Franzia.

32. You’ve kicked it with Tin Tin, heard him rap, and paid him $5 to clean up your yard after a house party.

33. You’ve returned keg shells on a bicycle.

34. You know that the best happy hour is always on a boat.

35. Booty Shaking Competition. 4th of July.

36. You’ve buried kegs in the sand and gotten blackout-drunk at The Washout while doing keg stands in your bathing suit.

37. You own an absurd amount of costumes because you know that in Charleston, Halloween is “Hallo-week.” You’ve been to the epic Skin-ful Halloween parties.

38. You’ve been on several art walks, not because you like art, but for the free wine at each gallery.

39. You know that the best cure for a hangover is the beach.

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