1. Knowing the difference between alcohol and Jack.
Offer us a leftover shot of Pumpkin Pie Pinnacle from your latest Pure Romance party, and we’ll probably smile politely and decline. But truth is, you’ve never been more harshly judged.
Now, get outta here with your dessert-flavored trash and pour us another round of Jack on the rocks, please.
2. Sitting in pews with a throbbing hangover from aforementioned Jack.
We acquired this ability by waking up in beer-stained bedsheets with stale cigarette hair to hip-cocked moms in curlers and floral-patterned dress standing in doorways saying, “If you can go out Saturday night then you can get up for church on Sunday morning.”