1. Most Texans don’t drive decked out trucks to overcompensate for what’s in their Wranglers.
Hate to break it to you, but pick-ups are actually practical here for moving, towing, off-roading and tailgating.
2. Teased up locks allow for air flow to a sweaty scalp.
Absurdly big hair did not go away with the 80s. In Texas, it’s still definitely in style.
3. We judge people by a handshake.
Our first impressions are not based on your clothes or accent, so practice if you’ve got a limp grip.
4. That town near Austin is pronounced “Beyoo-dah,” not “Buddha.”
If you were hoping to go there and get your Zen on, sorry.There’s nothing remarkable about Buda, and it has no relation to the founder of Buddhism.
5. You always need to ask if the formal dress code on the wedding invitation refers to Texas formal.
You don’t want to be the guy in the monkey suit while everyone else is in jeans and cowboy boots.
6. We’re friendly and don’t acknowledge personal space.
We give bear hugs and invite you to dinner at the end of our first conversation.
7. We take college football rivalries seriously, and it’s best to stay out of it if you’re not a Texan.
Aggies hate Longhorns and Red Raiders, and Longhorns hate Sooners more than Raiders or Aggies. Some of these rivals no longer play each other since the Big 12 Conference was restructured, but the hostility remains.
8. Texas summers are brutal — You don’t need to remind us with constant complaining.
You’ll forget the heat after a couple of frozen margaritas on a Lake Travis party boat.
9. There’s a reason we use body spray and deodorant liberally, and also wear bold prints.
These tricks hide ass, boob and armpit sweat during the aforementioned brutal Texas summers.
10. We’re not implying that you’re old when we say “sir” and “ma’am.”
We’ve answered Mom’s questions with “yes, ma’am” since we learned to talk, and it’s a hard habit to break.
11. And men do not intend to be sexist when they hold open the door or offer to carry groceries for women.
Real cowboys have Southern manners and look out for others.
12. Avoid cars with black leather interiors if you’re in shorts or a miniskirt.
You don’t want third-degree burns on your thighs when you sink into that scalding seat.
13. We stock up for house parties at beer barns.
These drive-thrus are the most efficient place to pick up a few kegs.
14. Ease into the Texas culture by starting in Austin.
The slogan “Keep Austin Weird” is losing traction in America’s fastest growing city, but the state capital is the No. 1 place for live music, fab food, barhopping and Democrats.
15. Everything’s bigger in Texas, including bread.
We slather thick-cut Texas toast in butter and brown it for burgers and sandwiches. And you’ll never look at brunch the same way after you have French toast made with Texas toast.
16. The Czech Stop in West, Texas (not to be confused with west Texas) is a required side trip between Dallas and Austin.
You may have to circle three times for a parking spot, and the long line will blow the five minutes you gained by driving 85 on I-35. But if you reach your destination without blueberry and cream cheese kolaches and hot chubbies to share, friends, family and co-workers will not speak to you.
17. We don’t think you’re clever because you ascertain that we’re native Texans based on our accents.
We’re not less intelligent or uneducated because we call pecans “pah-cahns” instead of “pee-cans.”
18. We know that Texas could make it as a separate country.
We love our nation, but we love our state even more.
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