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6 Things a Texan Mother Would Never Say

by Turner Wright Aug 16, 2017

1. “Wait in the car.”

The fears over leaving an infant or baby in a car in summer may be more widespread now, but not many mothers in Texas were ever foolish enough to leave their children in hot cars during a Texas-size heat wave.

2. “You don’t have to go to church.”

…if only. Texas may not be at the dead center of the Bible Belt, but it is still a strongly religious and conservative area, with Methodists, Baptists, and many members of different faiths. Atheists and agnostics pop up from time to time in defiance of their parents, but even they may feel a filial obligation to attend church on Christmas.

3. “I don’t have much of an accent.”

The angrier you make a Texas mother, the more her accent will come out. Have you ever tried to defend not doing your homework to someone who sounds like Matthew McConaughey’s sister on steroids?

4. “I don’t talk to strangers.”

If you have a Texas mother who didn’t engage in small talk at the most random times – with open windows at a stop light, checking out at the supermarket, during a movie premiere – then consider yourself a member of the 1%. All Texans have an innate ability to converse with complete strangers; Texas mothers doubly so.

5. “I’m the best mother in Texas.”

No one can make that claim anymore since Beyonce announced her twins.

6. “We’re not going anywhere this year.”

Not buying it. Whether it’s a long weekend, vacation, or just an excuse to play hooky from work or school, Texas mothers know the best places in the state to entertain their kids at any time of year: Schlitterbahn water park; road trips; the state fair; Scarborough Fair, even a six-hour drive just to see your third cousins.

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