Life isn’t always fair and there are some things we all just have to accept. Some of these unpleasant realities hit Wisconsinites harder than others, from the Packers’ actual success record to the inevitability of sub-zero winters, here are nine things Wisconsinites learn to accept.
1. Winter is always either coming or here.
It’s scarcely an exaggeration to say that once fall is over, we Wisconsinites become as anxious as Winterfell when they see White Walkers on the horizon. Of course, we have it worse since we have to accept the fact that winter comes every single year. There’s no series finale for us.
2. Spotted Cow is only available in-state.
There’s no way around it, and believe me, we’ve looked. You just can’t get Spotted Cow anywhere but Wisconsin. We have to accept that when going out of state, we must either abstain from our favorite beer, or find a way to sneak it onto the plane.
3. The Packers might not actually be as good as we think.
I cringe as I type this, but there’s no denying the ugly reality that our beloved Packers aren’t always the best team out there. At least we always have the Detroit Lions to make fun of.
4. France might make good cheese too.
We hate to admit it, but those prissy cheesemongers across the pond make some pretty good cheese too. We might even buy French cheese over local varieties at the grocery store every now and then. But don’t tell anyone else that.
5. And California probably has happier cows.
But only because of the warm, sunny weather — California probably also has happier humans. But our cows still make the best milk. Nobody calls California “America’s Dairyland,” after all.
6. Most foreigners only understand where we live if we put it in relation to Chicago or Canada.
We’ve accepted that it’s pretty pointless to answer “Wisconsin” when someone from a different country asks where we’re from. They almost always think it’s somewhere out west, maybe where Wyoming is. It’s far more efficient to just say, “Chicago” or “near Canada.”
7. We actually DO sound like that.
We all laughed at the exaggerated accents in That ’70s Show. That is, until we actually listened to ourselves and realized they pretty much nailed it. Yep, you betcha we talk like that, don’t cha know.
8. It will snow at least one more time in April.
Even as we pack away our winter coats at the end of March, we know deep down that there will be at least one more snowstorm.
9. Not all people from Illinois are jerks.
Perhaps the hardest truth of all, we know in our hearts that not all FIBs are actually FIBs. Yes, it pains us to admit it, but some people from Illinois are actually pretty decent. As long as they aren’t driving, that is.
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