The US Town Names That Translate Hilariously Into Other Languages

Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Sounds like “Cape Penis” in Norwegian. Anyone who spent a weekend with the Kennedys here back in the ‘60s would probably say that translation’s pretty accurate. But what exactly do Norwegians think we’re putting in our fish sticks?

Burdell, California

Translates to “brothel” in Polish. Lonely Polish men probably expecting a lot more excitement out of Marin County than coffee shops and sophisticated art galleries.

Fort Rucker, Alabama

Sounds like “Fort Jerk Off” in Dutch. A base called “Fort Jerk Off” might be the most accurate naming of a military installation in history.

Crotte Creek, Wisconsin

Translates to “Crap Creek” in French. This sounds like a really terrible, edited-for-TV version of that show with Eugene Levy and Catherine O’Hara. Or the only city in America with water worse than Flint.

Kaka, Arizona

Translates to “shit” in Portuguese. Just a heads-up to the Kaka Convention and Visitors Bureau: Naming yourself “shit town” makes it a seriously uphill climb to land on our list of the 25 coolest towns in America.

Gordo, Alabama

Translates to “fat” in Spanish. It might be time to hold off on those Alabama double cheese bacon grits.

Eier Lake, Minnesota

Translates to “Testicle Lake” in German. Clearly named by some German dudes who took a dip here in the winter and found it exceptionally cold.

Pinto, Maryland

Translates to slang for “penis” in Portuguese. Think about this next time you laugh in a British grocery store after seeing can after can of spotted dick.

Conner, Montana

Sounds like “asshole” in French. The French must have really gotten a kick out of Roseanne.

Lolo, Montana

Translates to “boob” in French. Heh heh. Heh. Heh.

Skit, Ohio

Translates to “Shit, Ohio” in Swedish. According to literally every person in Michigan, this is redundant.

Kaltag, Alaska

Sounds like “Bitch, Alaska” in Portuguese. If you lived in a city with two months of darkness, regular temperatures in the single digits, and an average annual income of $50,000 below the state average with a cost of living index of 103, you’d be a Kaltag too.

Cabot, Arkansas

Sounds like “whore” in Indonesian. No, Indonesian diplomats did not mistakenly fly here for presidential meetings in the wild ‘90s.

Oat Valley, California

Sounds like “piss off” in Russian. Would probably not be wise to stand at the bottom of this Yuba County ravine if you hear a bunch of Russian guys at the top.

Keiichi, Kansas

Sounds like “stingy” in Japanese. Beleaguered diner owners wondered for years why Japanese tourists would try and negotiate the price of a grilled cheese sandwich. Every. Damn. Time.

Vicksburg, Mississippi

Sounds like “I masturbate-burg” in German. When the pigeons are having a bad day, German visitors just assume Mississippians reeeeeeally love their Civil War heroes.

Aho, North Carolina

Translates to “idiot” in Japanese. Check your civic pride in Japan there, Ahoesians. The last thing America’s image needs is a bunch of people running around Tokyo saying, “I’m from Idiot!”