Photo: Richard Brew/Shutterstock

You're Not Truly From New Jersey Unless...

by Patrick McGurran Jul 26, 2017

1. You’ve argued over the existence of a central Jersey.

It exists.

2. You’ve had a fat sandwich at the original Grease Trucks in New Brunswick.

Before Rutgers kicked them out to build additional parking space.

3. You go out of state and have to figure out how to pump your own gas.

It really is terrible.

4. You’ve spent the summer at the shore (or at least 2 weeks) hanging around all the shore locals who think they are living the Cali surf life.

5. You’ve pre-gamed a concert in the PNC Bank Art Center parking lot.

In its hay-day, it was the biggest public drinking event in Jersey.

6. You think you’re a lot tougher than you really are.

We like to talk a big game.

7. You’ve explained what WAWA is and why it’s superior to any convenience store chain in the continental United States.

8. You’ve mastered the art of driving extremely aggressively at 90 mph while staying as calm as a Jersey cow.

9. You have to explain, for the billionth time, that the cast of the Jersey Shore isn’t from New Jersey, and that their existence is a blight to our already tainted image.

10. You’ve argued over whether it’s called “pork roll” or “taylor ham”.

It’s pork roll in the southern part of the state; taylor ham in the north.

11. You’ve offended someone with your sarcasm and blunt honesty.

12. You realize you’ve spent more than half of your waking life in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

13. You wait every spring for the “Jersey Fresh” farm stands to pop up, and spend all your money on delicious, fresh, organic local produce and not regret it for a second.

14. You grew up going on school field trips to the Liberty Science Center.

It’s possibly heaven on Earth.

Discover Matador