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30 Signs You're a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Addict

by Joe Batruny Mar 28, 2014

Your joints are sore and your ears are mangled, yet you still spend the entire day looking forward to training. Are you worried that you’re addicted to Brazilian jiu-jitsu? Take a long look at this list and judge for yourself.

1. You hip escape in bed to get out from under the covers.

2. You’re uncomfortable hugging your own mother without double underhooks.

3. Your closet is filled with more jiu-jitsu gis than t-shirts and jeans.

4. You find yourself debating whether or not to pass the guard during missionary sex.

5. You pronounce names beginning in “R” with an “H” sound.

6. Laundering your dirty gis has resulted in several destroyed washing machines.

7. You delete your web history so your significant other doesn’t see your jiu-jitsu watching habits.

8. You find your jiu-jitsu skills improve the more you train, yet your English gets worse.

9. All the t-shirts you do own are emblazoned with jiu-jitsu tournament graphics.

10. You’re on a first-name basis with your local seamstress.

11. You’ve been accused of having an affair as a result of hickey-like bruises on your neck.

12. When someone extends their hand, you don’t think “handshake,” you think “armdrag.”

13. Acaí, picanha, and caipirinhas are staples of your diet.

14. You can pronounce açaí, picanha, and caipirinha with ease.

15. You’ve unintentionally learned to speak Portuguese despite living in middle-America.

16. You’ve been given the “it’s me or jiu-jitsu” ultimatum more than once in your life.

17. You chose jiu-jitsu every time.

18. You’ve sprained every finger and toe more than once.

19. You only plan vacations to places in close proximity of a jiu-jitsu academy.

20. The term “rear naked choke” doesn’t remotely remind you of sexual activity.

21. You have no problem defending yourself, yet shaking hands with an acquaintance hurts.

22. You’ve considered living at the jiu-jitsu academy in order to save commuting time.

23. Upon meeting someone, you inspect his/her ears before making eye contact or smiling.

24. You have expert-level mopping skills due to your daily post-training duties.

25. Several times a week, you skip your lunch break at work to go train.

26. Your budget includes an allocation for Mueller athletic tape.

27. You’re no longer scared of needles after draining your own cauliflower ear.

28. You carry your gi everywhere on the off-chance you might pass by the academy.

29. “Berimbolo,” “Kimura,” and “De La Riva” don’t sound like gibberish to you.

30. You found this list humorous, yet unsurprisingly applicable.

If you found yourself nodding or laughing at this list more than a few times, go get some help. Or better yet — as Kurt Osiander says, “Go train!”

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