18 Side-Effects of Living in Mozambique

5. You’ll never appreciate a good beach anymore.

Because nothing lives up to Bazaruto. Or Cuirimbas. Or Inhassoro. Or Barra.

6. You are obsessed with checking Facebook, email and the news a week before an official public holiday.

To find the official announcement of a dia de tolerancia. After all, you’ve made travel plans
assuming there’ll be one. Or two.

7. You are conditioned to drive your car without your arm/elbow leaning out of the window.

Because that’s against the law.

8. You check online references to see whether your local restaurant isn’t accidentally involved in rhino horn trade.

The struggle is real.

9. You start singing, clapping and dancing at a work conference and expect everyone to join in.

Just to get into the right mood.

10. You think Laurentina is better than Heineken…

Because it is. Maningue nice!

11. …but you’re suspicious of artisanal beer.

Because it might be poisoned with crocodile bile.

12. You have a can of coke in the backseat of your car.

In case a cop pulls you over for no reason and won’t let you go unless you give him ‘something’.

13. You use capulana fabric for everything.

Clothes, table cloth, towel, picnic blanket, curtains, bag, washing basket, car shade, baby carrier, headband, wristband, pillow case, bed sheets. The possibilities are endless.

14. You understand why the building guards wear gloves and a hat at 20C.

It is a little chilly, isn’t it?

15. You aren’t surprised that funerals can be fun…

There may be some drinking and dancing to please the spirits of the afterlife and ensure a smooth transition for the deceased.

16. …and a great occasion to catch up with people.

Because everyone you’ve ever known and their mother will be there.

17. You aren’t afraid of hugging the person next to you on the bus.

So that you won’t fall off.

18. You know that in the end, whatever may happen, we stand together.

Estamos juntos!