42 Signs You've Been in Australia Too Long

by Alexandra E. Petri Jan 16, 2015

1. You don’t find it strange when people ask you if you’ve seen their thongs because you know that thongs are a major part of any outfit.

2. Your sentences will eventually include words and phrases like thongs, keen, heaps, jumper, reckon, arvo, devo, suss, bloody ripper, among many others. Such words often lead your family and friends back home to tell you that you talk funny and sound like an Aussie.

3. Your favoUrite thing to do it go out socialiSing.

4. You don’t ask people, “How are you?” Instead you ask them, “How you going?”

5. Too many of your sentences end in “mate” or “eh?”

6. “Good for you” is now “Good on ya, mate.”

7. You know not to ask for ketchup when you’re out to eat. Instead, you know to ask for tomato sauce.

8. You can very easily distinguish the difference between a Kiwi accent and an Aussie accent.

9. You love a good Golden Gaytime, and you also know that a Golden Gaytime isn’t what it sounds like.

10. The appropriate portion sizes leave you feeling satisfied; however, when your American friends from back home come to visit, they feel like you are trying to starve them.

11. You’re now used to having early dinners out, because you know that about 97% of restaurants stop seating from 9pm onwards. Pie Face, anyone?

12. That being said, meat pies have become a way of life.

13. You’ve grown to seriously love Vegemite, so much so that it probably has become a daily snack for you. You also know the appropriate applications methods — you can’t slather it on in globs like Americans do with peanut butter (or any other spread for that matter). You put on just enough.

14. You also know that Vegemite is far better than Marmite (even though you’ve probably never had Marmite).

15. You find 10 degrees to be unbearably cold, even though you grew up somewhere that has an actual winter or throws around the words “Polar Vortex” like it is a fifth season of the year.

16. Your fridge has a stock of the following at all times: beer (probably Pure Blonde), wine (probably Sauv Blanc), Tim Tams (definitely Double Coated or Original), and a Cadbury Chocolate bar (probably Original).

17. Calippos are essential to summer.

18. You went from being a semi-vegetarian/pescatarian to basically gnawing lamb right off the bone, and you haven’t looked back.

19. You’re used to paying 3AUD for one avocado from the supermarket. In fact, the ridiculously expensive prices of everything in Australia no longer surprise you.

20. You’ve picked a side: Woolies or Coles.

21. You’ve picked a side: The Blues or The Maroons.

22. You’ve jumped on the bandwagon: Damn Julia Gillard.

23. Walking into a pub that moonlights as a casino filled with polkie machines doesn’t faze you in the least.

24. You’ll find any excuse, any excuse at all, to throw a barbie.

25. Oh, those damn poms!

26. You are genuinely shocked when you are reminded of the minimum wage back home in your country. How do people even live like that?

27. You’re also genuinely shocked that your entire country doesn’t shut down for two weeks at Christmas and New Year’s like businesses do across Australia.

28. And on top of that, you’re beside yourself when your friends and family tell you that they get something like 10 days of holiday to take per year. What the hell is that all about?

29. You’re a self-described beach brat and have become spoiled for the beautiful beaches that are found all over Australia.

30. Your wardrobe has taken a turn for the worse. Let’s face it: The shopping in Australia sucks.

31. You sometimes leave your house without shoes on, because you know that walking around barefoot in public places — be it through the city or a shopping center — isn’t all that out of the ordinary.

32. You know that the following are among the biggest holidays of the year: Australia Day, Anzac Day, and Melbourne Cup.

33. You’ve come to the unhappy conclusion that kangaroos can’t be found everywhere. Also, they are koalas. Not koala bears.

34. Traveling at least 20 hours to reach most anywhere in the world no longer seems all that crazy.

35. Driving at least 10 hours to reach the next city (or anywhere really) no longer seems all that crazy.

36. You know what a drop bear is, and you make sure to warn other visitors about them.

37. When someone yells Aussie!, Aussie!, Aussie!, you know to say Oi! Oi! Oi!

38. You keep your eye out for roadside attractions like the big banana, the big prawn, the big pineapple, and the big sheep, among many other photo-op monuments.

39. It’s entirely necessary for a daily application of sun cream, which has come to replace moisturizer.

40. You may be one of the first countries in the world to go into the new year, but you’ve learned to accept that Australia is behind the times — wifi, anyone?

41. City, town, and neighborhood names like Woolloomooloo, Wagga Wagga, Ulladulla no longer seem the least bit eccentric or strange.

42. You don’t live in Australia. You live in ‘Straya, mate.

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