8 Signs Your Girlfriend Is English
1. She can drink you under the table.
You can boast with your friend about your high resistance to alcohol, but with an English girlfriend you’ll soon find out you still have a long way to go before being called a MAN!
2. You’re not stoked on her cooking skills.
Don’t let her cook. Just don’t. Even if your cooking skills are average or bad, she’ll be probably be worse. We’re talking cold beans on toast with some vaguely melted cheese on top.
3. She is allergic to the sun.
English girls love the sun, they simply are not getting enough back home. They only wish the sun would love them back. Laying down on a sunny beach you’ll become a full-time sun cream-spreading machine.
4. She is also allergic to clothes in general.
Anywhere else in the world, people adapt the clothes they wear to the season, but your English girlfriend will just wear whatever she feels like — no matter the season or the temperature. It could be -2 in January; she’ll be going out in flip flops and pajamas. It could be sunny and 26 degrees and she’ll be in bikini and Ugg boots. On a night out she’ll be wearing a skirt even if it’s – 15 and snowing.
5. She doesn’t sound posh.
Before meeting her, you thought English girls would have refined accents, and you actually thought that the ‘Queen’s English’ was more widely used. Well, you were wrong. Your English girl sounds more like a rough, horny sailor with a thick accent you were not prepared for, using terms such as ‘having a giraffe’ and ‘taking the piss’ that you’re still trying to understand.
6. She’s addicted to tea.
She’ll have one as soon she’ll wakes up, she’ll have several pots during the day, leaving tea mugs half empty all over the house or her office, and she’ll have one just before bed. Always with some milk in it, but as a foreigner, you’ll never get the quantity right. But for some strange reason she will never actually call it ‘tea’. When she’ll want a tea, she’ll ask you for a ‘brew’ or for a ‘cuppa’. If she asks you to prepare tea she actually means dinner. Very confusing…
7. She becomes your sports-watching buddy.
Your English girlfriend is not very much into sports herself; the last time she did anything remotely close to sports was during her PE classes in high school. But she’ll love heading down the pub with you for a few pints and to watch some sport. She’ll have very good knowledge of football (she’ll kick me if I call it soccer), rugby and cricket, she is a good supporter and the perfect buddy to watch sports with. You’ll be surprised at the variety and colorfulness of curse words she can use when her favorite team is on.
8. She has a double personality.
Usually your English girlfriend has a very polite and calm personality. She shows good manners and is very considerate of other people. At the bus stop she will stand in the queue and she’ll even allow some people to pass in front of her while waiting for a taxi, sometimes apologizing for no reason. But when the sun sets and a few shots and glasses of wine get in her during a night out, her personality changes and she turns into something like a werewolf, capable of ripping you apart.