PEOPLE WHO COLLECT MONKEY SHIT for a living do more than just rake in the cash. They also get a front-row seat to some great lessons on social etiquette — like watching a soap opera where everyone is covered in hair. Here are some tips I picked up during my time as a hamadryas baboon genetics researcher in Awash National Park, Ethiopia.
1. Modesty is for prudes.
Baboons have zero fucks to give when it comes to body image. Lady baboons sport flaming red estrous swellings that look like exploding whoopee cushions, and male baboons prance around with their nether regions flapping in the breeze. Genitals are out and no one is getting any side-eye about it.
The next time you’re agonizing over which swimsuit to bring on your travels, think like a baboon and don’t bother. Your pack will feel a lot lighter without a Victorian-era swim dress. Many countries allow public nudity, so let your bratwurst-induced fupa hang out.