THEY CAME IN a padded white envelope to my door. I tore it open with excitement. My first pair of underwear with pockets. Ever.
When I first saw the team email forwarding a message from The Clever Travel Companion asking if we’d be interested in reviewing the underwear I thought, “hells, yes!” I replied to the email within 0.3 seconds. I don’t know what it was, but I felt compelled to have these. I’d never been so sure of anything else in my life.
According to the label they are made of 95% cotton and 5% spandex. After a quick wash I pulled the blue beauties on, the spandex stretching them over my legs. Comfortable. Not too tight, not too loose. Of course, I immediately dove into the pockets, of which there are two zippered ones on either side and on the front of each leg. I slipped my passport into one of the pockets. A snug fit, just the right size. I put a couple of credit cards and some cash in the other. Then I pulled my jeans on.
I headed down to the local farmers’ market for a test run. After a while I forgot about them. Until I sat down. My one issue with this product is that my passport digs into my thigh when crouched over. It makes sitting a little uncomfortable and little adjustments are necessary. It’s for this reason that when I use a money pouch under my pants when I travel I wear it on the side of my hip. I don’t understand all the logistics of installing pockets on underwear but my one suggestion would be to move the pockets from the front to the sides of the legs.
That said, my friends were quite impressed with the undergarment. “Check these out!” I would say as I unzipped my jeans and tore open the fly. One night when we headed out to a bar my roommate asked me if I could carry her driver’s license and a bank card. I briefly considered using my new pockets, but then thought if she was actually ID’d I would have to go fishing inside my pants for it, which may have raised more eyebrows than I’d have cared to.
Ladies, fear not: they also come in women’s style. Minor qualm I mentioned aside, these would be extremely handy when traveling; they’re a lot less cumbersome than a money belt, and it’s one less thing to carry. But most of my time is actually spent at home and not on the road, so what to do with these extra pockets when I don’t have to transport my passport around? I thought it might be helpful to brainstorm some other uses for the underwear…
For the lovers
You know those awkward moments when you’re getting sexy with someone. You’re standing there, down to your unmentionables, and suddenly you don’t know what to do with your hands. Maintain your cool by sticking your hands in your new sexy-time pockets! (Although, it must be said at this point, that if you don’t know what to do with your hands, other help may be needed.) They could also be used for condom storage. Avoid that weird moment when you open your wallet to pay for dinner and a rubber falls out.
For the musicians
Anyone who plays guitar knows that the universe seems to open up and swallow guitar picks. You set one down somewhere, and it’s never to be seen again. Use these pockets to keep a stash of picks handy. Bonus: Drive the crowd crazy on stage when you reach down there and pull out some picks to toss out.
For the photographers
A safe and secure place to store the filled-up flash memory cards you don’t want to lose. Just remember to grab them before sticking them in the wash.
For the chefs
For those who like to cook in the buff, but are a little shy, the pockets could be used for various kitchen utensils: spatula, measuring spoons, and, for the adventurous, a paring knife. My only suggestion if you’re cooking bacon — put a shirt on.