1. When you give him a good present, he exclaims “That’s going straight to the pool room!”
You’ve learned to consider this phrase the highest compliment any Aussie could ever pay.
2. You have no idea of the real names of any of his friends.
There’s a Matty, an Ando, and a Juzza, and while you can guess the first two, you’re still not sure if Juzza is Justin or James or possibly just the name of a new Brazilian BBQ he wants to take you to.
3. He wears thongs 24/7.
Not that kind. Thongs are flip-flops, and rare is the occasion that is too fancy, or the weather too cold, for your boyfriend not to wear them. Even when he takes them off, the tan lines on his feet are so stark, he still looks like he’s wearing them.
4. He has the same breakfast day-in and day-out.
He will happily eat Vegemite or a tin of baked beans on toast every morning for the rest of his life. And, if he’s feeling particularly gourmet, he’ll make Vegemite toast with a slice of cheese on top, presenting it to you all proud — as if even Gordon Ramsey himself couldn’t find a flaw on the plate — at which point you’ll pretend you’re yawning, coughing, or taking a sip of water, anything to cover up your gag reflex.
5. International travel turns him into an instant heartthrob.
Your boyfriend could be as attractive as an Australian blobfish, but the moment he opens his mouth in a foreign country — any foreign country — the ladies swoon. They blush and squeal about how adorable he is and force him to say — over and over again — something “Australian” like “G’day mate!” or “Crikey!” Even though he never actually uses those phrases, he all-too-gladly obliges.
6. He has a tattoo of the Southern Cross.
It could be just plain black, or the more bold red and blue, but the constellation — as seen on the Aussie flag — is probably somewhere on his body. Most likely, it’s on his forearm or his calf, but bonus Aussie-boyfriend points if the only reason you saw it is because he was wearing board shorts or a singlet.
7. The Kerrigans have begun to feel like a second family.
You’ve watched his favourite movie, Aussie cult classic The Castle, so many times, the two of you sometimes talk about them like they’re actually next door. Also, you can never watch Eric Bana in a serious role, ever again.
8. He spends more time outdoors than he does indoors.
From sunrise surfs to winter snowboarding to backyard cricket — he’s fearlessly braving sharks, spiders, snakes, mosquitoes, crocodiles, and all other manner of animals that can kill you (which is to say, most of them) in Australia.
9. He has the most multicultural taste in food of anyone you know.
In any given week, he will consume Thai, Lebanese, Italian, Greek, and Chinese. Although, he’s never happier than when he’s noshing on a true-blue Aussie hamburger topped with beetroot, pineapple, and fried egg.
10. He celebrates everything with beers and a BBQ.
His footy team is playing in the Grand Final. It’s your birthday. It’s Wednesday. It’s the anniversary of when The Castle was released (April 10 1997, but you probably already knew that). Any cause for celebration warrants a bucket full of stubbies and snags on the barbie — along with every imaginable cut of lamb, chicken skewers, and maybe chuck some sausage rolls in the oven, just in case Juzza is an actual person and turns up looking for food.
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