A normal mom will discard her baby’s umbilical cord when it is no longer needed.
A Bulgarian mom will secretly stash it away in a bank, in a courtroom, or wherever she wants her child to work in the future.
In the winter, a normal mom gets everything from the supermarket.
A Bulgarian mom has stocked enough homemade lutenitsa, kompot, marmalade, turshiya and plenty of lukanka to last the long tough winter.
A normal mom buys her kids only the necessities.
A Bulgarian mom gets a 3000 BGN baby chair, a roomful of toys, a smartphone better than hers and designer clothes for her precious.
A normal mom respects your private space.
A Bulgarian mom calls your room kochina (pigsty) and always puts all your stuff in the right order when you are out. She won’t believe you when you tell her “My chaos was organized! I can’t find anything now, thanks to you!”
A normal mom lets you eat when you are starving.
A Bulgarian mom will make you wait for everyone to sit at the table. Don’t even try to start before the last one has arrived. She, however, will stand up every time you say you need something: salt, water, another fork or a napkin.
A normal mom will expect you to move out sometime after you hit legal age.
A Bulgarian mom will feel offended and upset when her 35+ year old child says “I think it is time to finally find my own place.”
A normal mom lets you choose your own education and career path.
A Bulgarian mom advises you to study Economics or Law. Because “the money is there. A musician can’t feed a home.”
A normal mom calls you occasionally.
A Bulgarian mom calls 11 times per day just to hear you sigh “Yes, mom… I’m alive…Yeah, I’m alright.”
A normal mom tells you how beautiful you are.
A Bulgarian mom gives you a head to toe look, analyzes and processes what is wrong with you and cold-bloodedly says something like: “Your shirt is not ironed.”
A normal mom delegates part of the housework to the other family members.
A Bulgarian mom does everything by herself and then constantly nags: “You are such pigs, you never clean the dishes! No one ever helps me. Your father keeps putting his dirty socks under the bed!”
A normal mom lets you date whoever you want to.
A Bulgarian mom builds your new crush a case from day one — “What does his parents do?, Can she cook?, Does he drive a car?, Roughly, with how many men has she slept?, Does he have a university degree?”. She is weighting the evidences, pro and against. Your boyfriend or girlfriend is not good enough until proven otherwise. All this is to “avoid making a big mistake” – because she always knows what is best for you. Also, the typical Bulgarian mom will be openly, unapologetically dreading that you might be gay if you never share information about your love life.
A normal mom uses the phone to get in touch with her children.
A Bulgarian mom Skypes. Because her child has probably moved out to live abroad — for a month, two or forever.
Photo: Des Cho