1. Nain always has the final say. And the best biscuits.
After an argument with mam you always know there’s one higher authority, and those homemade shortbreads in the 300 year old biscuit tin are always worth getting into trouble for.
2. When you meet a stranger you look down, apologetically.
Actually, this is also true for most people you know. You’re doing it now, to a screen.
3. You’re a nervous wreck the entire week before a major rugby international.
No matter where you are in the world, you’ll make sacrifices non-Welsh friends just won’t comprehend in order to watch the game. ‘Right, get ready, I heard there was an Irish pub in Salt Lake City’ (you’re in Montana).
4. And you’re a physical wreck the entire week after.
…If we won. If we lost, then it’s a solid month, and you can add financial and spiritual to the wrecked list.
5. Your Nain used to steal coal from the train tracks to keep warm.
So don’t talk to her about being broke. ‘Oh you can’t afford a new car can’t you? When I was young we had a horse and cart, when we froze we’d burn the cart and when we starved we’d eat the horse so don’t moan to me about being poor’. Followed by: ‘Here, take this twenty pound note and don’t tell your mam.’
6. You feel trapped if you can’t see the sea or mountains.
Admit it, living in London or the smoggy commuter belt saps away your soul — you miss the raw emotion of the wild landscapes and Rhod Gilbert on Saturday morning.
7. The chapel at the end of your old street still haunts your dreams.
You’ll never forget that time you and your friends saw a figure staring back at you in the top window. We did just make it up, right? RIGHT?
8. Only mild drinking is allowed on Sunday.
Unless it’s a bank holiday, a rugby day, within a month of Christmas, Easter, summer holidays, a birthday, or you know it’s going to be an easy Monday at work.
9. When you’re away and people assume you’re English…
You smile and explain once more there’s this country called Wales, that it’s nowhere near Switzerland and in fact it makes up the UK along with you know, England, Scotland ad Northern Ireland — you’ve heard of them, right? Then you get really, really homesick.
10. Nothing makes you smile more than an inflatable daffodil.
Always, ALWAYS accompanied by plastic pints of beer, painted red dragons on your cheeks and the knowledge you will lose the daffodil to an attractive girl / guy you’re trying to impress at 2am.
11. You don’t do airs and graces. You just don’t.
Hugh Grant does not exist in Wales, and our closest thing to the Queen is Charlotte Church, who drinks down the local and goes on protest marches.
12. If the sun shines, bad weather is on its way.
Experience has told you that anything good, even the weather, is a sure sign of impending doom. You mutter the phrase passed down from your parents ‘ooh, we’ll have to pay for this’ whenever the sun comes out.