A normal mom will give you a normal birthday party with family and maybe a few of your friends.
A Brazilian mom will give you a mega-ultra party filled with candy, cake, brigadeiros, bala de coco, coxinhas, pão de queijo, beijinho, decorations, a whole theme, a clown, a princess, Ben 10, Adventure Time, and Chaves & Chapolin.
A normal mom will tell you that the socks are in the left drawer. If you don’t find them there (because you really didn’t look for them), then she’ll think she’s made some kind of mistake.
A Brazilian mom will tell you that the socks are in the left drawer. And if you don’t find them there (because you really didn’t look for then), she’ll scream from the other side of the house: “Se eu for ai e achar, eu vou esfregar na tua cara!” Or: “If I go there and find them, I’ll rub your face in them.” Brazilian moms have a low tolerance for BS.
A normal mom will take one shower a day.
A Brazilian mom will take at least two if it is spring, autumn or winter. But if it’s summer, that number’s going to go up to 3 or 4. It’s not just that we’re a warm country, a Brazilian mother has a ‘harsher’ sense of personal hygiene than the rest of the world. She likes her things and her people clean.
A normal mom will tell you to bring a jacket.
A Brazilian mom will ask for the love of god and everything that is sacred for you to bring a jacket. Because it might get cold. And you might get sick. And she loves you too much to even think about you getting sick. And just in case, she’s already hidden an extra jacket in your backpack.
A normal mom will hire a babysitter or even a nanny to help her with childcare.
A Brazilian mom will hire a nanny, just so she can keep a close eye on that nanny. Because it turns out, she doesn’t trust her cub with another woman and she’ll end up having 2x as much trouble and stress than not having a nanny at all.
A normal mom will tell you to stop watching football and go clean your room instead.
A Brazilian mom will watch it with you wearing her jersey or at least holding a flag. Actually, the whole family will probably be there too.
A normal mom will go and knock on your bedroom door to ask you something.
A Brazilian mom will scream out loud from across the house for you to come to her so she can ask for something.
A normal mom will let you stay indoors occasionally and play video games.
A Brazilian mom will physically drag you outside for a walk, to play with your friends at the pool, to go to the garden, the street, the park or the beach. As long as it is outside, she doesn’t care what you’re doing.
A normal mom will give you a grilled cheese for a snack or cook you a fast and nice meal for dinner.
A Brazilian mom will spend hours cooking pão de queijo, coxinhas, brigadeiro and misto quentes for your snack and will prepare a whole meal for your dinner with rice, black beans, egg, steak, salad, vegetables and more.
A normal mom doesn’t really want you to play with a stranger’s dog.
A Brazilian mom will let you play, she’ll ask the owner more about the dog, she’ll then become friends with its owner and then she’ll treat the dog like it’s basically her dog too.
A normal mom will tell you that you need to be at your grandmother’s house at noon.
A Brazilian mom will still be blow drying her hair at 12:30. She’ll still be indecisive on what to wear. We Brazilians are not very strict with punctuality, but a Brazilian mother will be mad if you’re the one who is late.
A normal mom will ask for a call once a week while you’re living abroad.
A Brazilian mom will die if she does not talk to you everyday. She’ll need to know exactly what your plans are for tonight and with whom, even though she’ll have no clue where the place is and she’s never even met your friends — but just to know their names will calm her down.
A normal mom will bring you medicine and let you sleep when you’re sick.
A Brazilian mom will bring you medicine, cook you chicken soup with her family’s old recipe, bring you honey and lemon for your sore throat, help you get into your PJs and tuck you in with double the amount of covers.
A normal mom will let you go to someone’s birthday party with just a card.
A Brazilian mom will never let you leave for a birthday party without a gift. She actually has a closet full of spare gifts for those times when you all forgot about the party. And if someone shows up to your birthday party (or her birthday party) without a gift, it’s weird.
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