15 Dilemmas Only People From Pittsburgh Will Understand

Pittsburgh Student Work
by Erin Graney Aug 20, 2015

1. You can’t figure out if it’s cloudy or the sun has just been blocked by a giant pickle balloon.

Re: Picklesburgh 2015. Personally I would have gone with Pittsburgherkin, but no big dill.

2. You either have to avoid the Furries or do karaoke with them.

As long as you don’t mind hanging with a grown man in a duck costume, it’s not so bad.

3. Your math equations often read: ‘If pierogis are on special for 15 cents each, and you have a ten dollar bill, how much will you throw up later?’

Answer: A lot.

4. You still can’t figure out which parking garage the shooter in Jack Reacher used.

You are still kind of scared you’ll get shot eating your lunch on the North Shore Riverfront.

5. You got caught in traffic because someone is taking their engagement photos on your bridge AGAIN.

We get it, you’re marrying the bridge.

6. You have to decide whether to eat potato patch fries before or after you ride the Aero 360 at Kennywood.

Risk throwing up on your friend or feeling too sick to eat them at all? A veritable Sophie’s choice.

7. You don’t know what Steelers jersey to wear to your cousin’s wedding.

Does this Kiesel jersey go with my beard?

8. You were 15 minutes late to work today because you and your significant other started arguing about which pizza is better: Aiello’s or Mineo’s.

Some people also insert Fiori’s into this argument, but all Mt. Washington people know Cestone’s offers a little slice of heaven that just can’t be topped – except with pepperoni.

9. You were too busy explaining why an out-of-towner should go for the dippy egg on their sandwich and now your food is cold.

Always add an egg, people.

10. You bet too much money on the wrong pierogi at the Pirate’s game and now the Pittsburgh Parrot is coming for you.

Damn you, Jalapeño Hannah.

11. You have to either wait for the real bathroom or use the ‘Pittsburgh potty’ — the standalone toilet with no walls around it in the middle of the floor in your brother’s basement.

Just remember to bring your own toilet paper.

12. People keep telling you “Kennywood’s open,” but you just don’t get it and now your in-laws hate you.

Kennywood, aka your fly.

13. You can’t decide whether to swim in the Allegheny River or bathe in raw sewage.

Trick question, it’s the same thing.

14. Your family has stopped talking to you because your father worked in printing for the Post-Gazette, but you just switched your subscription to the Tribune Review.

What’s black and white and read all over? The death threats from your mom.

15. You would love to go on vacation, but can’t think of anywhere better than Pittsburgh.

We are America’s Most Livable City after all.

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