What needs to go
I took a quiz called, “Who Did My Mother Give Birth To?” And I actually got myself. My mother apparently did not give birth to Samantha from Sex and the City, the color teal, or a fucking howler monkey, if you can believe it.
2. Cliffhanger status updates
Wait, why was that your “absolute LAST online date”? Why are you “NEVER” going to use a Dunkin Donuts drive-thru again? WHY DO YOU HATE MONDAYS???!!!