22 Questions Only Us Portuguese Can Answer
1. What color is a donkey when it runs away?
2. Why’d the cashier just tell me not to smell the manjerico?
3. What is the difference between a Portista and Portuense?
4. Why do you have so many plates hanging on the wall?
5. Why did I never meet Jonhy Eyelass personally?
6. What’s up with the chouriço, a weird brown plate on the table, alcohol and matches in your hands?
7. Why would a dead woman become a queen?
8. How does it not feel like that chubby working class man wearing a hat over his head on that shelf is telling me “screw you?”
9. If there was a place where green carnations grow in cabbages, a tree has three or four different kinds of fruit, a white blackbird, a cabbage that can grow up to four metres, watermelons and lemons that grow beyond abnormal sizes, what would we call it?
10. Why so many Renault Clio’s on the road?
11. What’s up with that strange language spoken on the right bank of the Douro River and the a few thousand people who speak it?
12. Why was the famous black panther not at the zoo?
13. Why would Eddie Vedder come all the way to Portugal just to surf?
14. What’s up with the neighbour’s chicken?
15. How do you expect me to eat this sandwich drowned in this yellow orangey sauce?
16. Why are Alentejanos the Kings of Portuguese jokes?
17. There’s seriously over one million kilos of salty cod consumed on Christmas Eve?
18. Why are there so many Doutores in Portugal?
19. What happened in the convent?
20. What is it that before being already was?
21. Why’s everyone flashing their headlights at me?
22. What does Evaristo have?
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