1. You learned to boat before you learned to drive. 2. You don’t go out the night before Thanksgiving, unless you’re home from college or actually like seeing your hometown reduced to the Las Vegas strip. 3. You have worked at least one boat show just to go to the parties — before realizing that you could have just gotten your friend to let you in. Then you wouldn’t have had to spend an entire two days talking about the application of tea tree oil as though it were a life-changing experience. 4. You refuse to pay a cover charge at Federal House but you will eat their Oysters Rockefeller. 5. You know that the Crab Wrapper is a parody paper but have been horrified at even the suggestion that some were true. 6. You know that the best place to get a beer in Annapolis is not downtown, does not serve crabs and is not on the water — but it has some of the best staff, decor and wings. Heroes Pub don’t ever change. 7. You’ve felt the disappointment in the following realization: “Damn… Boat show… have to take forest drive!” 8. You can never remember what the deal is with all of the huge chicken sculptures, even though your friends have told you five thousand times. 9. You know the terrible pain of sitting through beach traffic when you’re not even going to the beach. 10. You know every possible way to personalize a lacrosse stick. 11. You will not eat crab cakes anywhere outside of Maryland. 12. You support the troops but when Navy plays Army — you’re a Navy fan all the way. 13. When you go for bagels in any other town, you’re always sad to find that no trivia questions, celebrity birthdays, words of the day, tides, quotes or cartoons listed anywhere in the bagel place. 14. And obviously, only Naval Bagels can get your morning started right. 15. McDonald’s milkshakes may as well be health shakes. Chick & Ruth’s knows how it’s really done. 16. You have to buy socks every winter because you burn all of yours at at the Oyster Roast every spring. 17. You have at least three pairs of back up sunglasses in your car and another three pairs in your boat or your friend’s boat. 18. You have your boater’s license but you have no idea where it is. 19. You have tried to use last year’s leftover BarBayq coins to buy just one more hush puppy or orange crush. 20. If you hear someone say “Crabcakes and Football” one more time, then you are going to hit them over a head with a lacrosse stick. 21. If you’re a girl, you have a picture somewhere of you wearing a midshipmen’s hat. 22. If you’re a guy, you have dressed up in flight suits and impersonated Blue Angels on a weeknight in the month of May in order to pick up ladies at the bar. 23. You don’t bat an eye when someone walks by in a colonial costume. 24. You complain when your friends from DC want to go to Pusser’s but have at least one good story from there that you are hoping your best man/maid of honor forgets when it’s time to make their toast. 25. You have gone to Eastport-A-Rockin’ every year but you’re lucky if you can remember the name of just one of the bands that you heard. 26. You face off with the weather every year to see who is going to bail first — the cold weather or your flip-flops? 27. You were really excited when you got nieces and nephews because it meant that you could go to the Renaissance Festival without getting shit from your friends. 28. Harry Browne’s may be one of the few restaurants that still has real tablecloths and serves sorbet with every meal to cleanse the palate, but you know that you can go to the upstairs bar for a killer happy hour every day of the work week and get a $6 burger with fries.
29. When you are interviewing for a job, you wonder how you are going to break it to them that you need to leave early every Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday evening during the summer for AYC races, JWorld Races, and EYC Beer Can races, respectively. 30. You have a strong opinion about the preservation of historic buildings, until it interferes with drinking, sailing, profits, or art. But you know that deep down we’re all on the same side — we live in an amazing city and we want the best for it.
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