30 Things You'll Never Hear a Melbournian Say

by Rachel Bale Aug 17, 2015

1. “It’s Mel-born.”

2. “A round of Tooheys Blue, thanks mate.”

3. “Myki was such a good initiative.”

4. “I keep cool with a fan in summer.”

5. “What have I got to do to find some decent Pho around here?”

6. “There’s nothing to look at in Melbourne’s alleys except junkies and homeless people.”

7. “Brunch is overrated.”

8. “It’s really hot today. I think I’ll go for a swim in the Yarra.”

9. “Let’s just catch the bus. It’ll be much quicker.”

10. “There’s no need for a rail link to the airport. Taxis are much nicer.”

11. “I prefer instant coffee.”

12. “Soccer is the real football, not NRL and definitely not AFL.”

13. “I can’t find a decent coffee anywhere around here.”

14. “I am dressed entirely appropriately for the weather.”

15. “We don’t cater to vegans.”

16. “I’m free any weekend in September.”

17. “Let’s go and hang out in Frankston this weekend.”

18. “Sydneysiders are just so much more cultured than us.”

19. “I wish there was some sport to watch this weekend.”

20. “Ron Barassi needs to shave that mo.”

21. “I’m amazed how well everyone holds their liquor at the Spring Racing Carnival.”

22. “It’s sunny this morning. No need for an umbrella.”

23. “The Docklands wheel was built so impressively fast.”

24. “All dim sums are the same no matter where you go.”

25. “AFL is just such a boring sport. Nothing happens.”

26. “It’s really affordable to buy property these days.”

27. “The jam donuts at the Queen Vic Market have nothing on Donut King.”

28. “Why don’t we have Starbucks here?”

29. “The desalination plant was a great idea.”

30. “We don’t need a designated driver.”

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