Photo: pio3/Shutterstock

40 Things Good Travelers Never Say

by Matt Hershberger Nov 19, 2014

1. “I just couldn’t find the time to use all of my vacation days this year.”

2. “Yeah, the pictures look cool, but I’ve heard it’s really unsafe there.”

3. “For me, it’s first class or no class.”

4. “Can I speak to your manager?”

5. “Sorry, officer, I didn’t know I was supposed to take my shoes off before going through.”

6. “You know, if you’ve seen one church, you’ve seen them all.”

7. “Ooh! Let’s go to Times Square!”

8. “I just can’t seem to fit all of my stuff in one bag.”

9. “Oh god no. I’m not going anywhere in an autorickshaw.”

10. “Is this fanny pack inconspicuous enough?”

11. “Nah, I’d rather not try sushi. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t like it.”

12. “I just don’t get these people.”

13. “Let’s just spend a day by the pool, okay?”

14. “We were going to go to Kenya, but then we heard about the Ebola thing and decided to skip Africa altogether.”

15. “Oh man, this will make a great Facebook profile picture.”

16. “I’m tired of shopping around, let’s just grab the next relatively cheap price we see, okay?”

17. “We’re going to try to see four cities in five days!”

18. “Can we just find a McDonald’s?”

19. “If we’re not going to smoke, what’s the point of going to Amsterdam?”

20. “All-inclusive my ass. They didn’t even have Miller Lite.”

21. “They serve their beer warm. I have no interest in going to a place where the beer is warm.”

22. “You know, our cruise ship did a really good job of capturing that authentic Caribbean feel.”

23. “No, I don’t want to go to France. They’re very anti-America.”

24. “I don’t have time to memorize the customs of every country I go to. I’ll do what I like.”

25. “Just yell at them. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.”

26. “God, no one here speaks English. What’s wrong with this place?”

27. “Yeah, the people there just weren’t very…civilized.”

28. “We do it better at home.”

29. “Hey, get a picture of me where the Leaning Tower of Pisa looks like my dick.”

30. “India was dirty. I’m never going back.”

31. “Nope! I have never had traveler’s diarrhea.”

32. “Why go out? This hostel bar is great.”

33. “Booze is illegal in Saudi Arabia, so I really can’t think of any reason to go.”

34. “Gap years always just sounded like a waste of a year to me.”

35. “USA! USA! USA!”

36. “I was drunk the entire time, I don’t really remember the trip.”

37. “God, that call to prayer is annoying.”

38. “I’ll hold it until we find a toilet that’s not a squat.”

39. “I’d rather overpack than underpack.”

40. “I’ll travel when I’m older and have some money.”

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