1. Would she/he do it for me?
There are many reasons that can push you to move where you partner lives rather than for them to join you where you are: you speak the language of their home-country, but they don’t; they have a steady, good-paying job where they live, but you don’t; you have documents that allow you to live in their country, but they don’t; they aren’t able to leave their family, but you are; etc. But in the end, it’s all about love and spending time together, so consider this: would they, despite the obstacles, pack up and join you where you are? Even if it is a lot more convenient for you to move to them, you are still taking a risk by uprooting yourself, so make sure to talk to them about all the efforts you are making for your relationship to work out and ask if they would do the same for you.
2. Am I just scared of being alone?
This is a valuable question to ask yourself in any relationship, whether it takes you abroad or not. As an individual, you must be ok with being alone and if you love who you are, you’ll never be scared to be by yourself. Being in a bad relationship for the sake of company is a lot worse than being alone, especially if you are in a foreign country away from your support system.
3. Who am I doing this for?
If you’re only doing this for your partner, then you should not go. Of course being with them is the main reason for your move, but you should also consider what other exciting things are in store for you – learning about a different culture, meeting new people, exploring a new country, learning a new language, taking on a new job, etc. If you can’t think of anything that makes you happy to move besides being with you partner, then you should stay put. You may have a hard time making friends or finding a job, and if this happens, the great romantic idea of moving to be with your partner may turn into resentment towards them.
4. Can I sustain myself and remain independent in this country?
Will you be able to work in the country you’re moving to? Will your credentials be recognized? Remember that you are responsible for yourself and that, although your partner may be willing to help you out financially, they may not want, or be able to do so for an extended period of time. It also important to ask yourself how much you want to depend on someone else and how not working will impact your social life. You may want to sort all this out before moving as work permits and other credential assessments can take more than a year to be approved.
5. Am I ready to be here for the rest of my life?
Let’s face it, you may be in this for the long run. You may settle, get married, and have kids with the person whom you joined abroad; therefore you have to think of the fact that the rest of your life may be spent in this new country. Homesickness is very hard to deal with, especially when you are torn between family and friends at “home” and the person you love. So, before packing your bags, consider these questions: am I ready not to be with my parents when they get older? Am I ready to not spend as much time with my siblings and their children as I’d like to? Am I ready to raise children away from my own parents? If not, then you need to talk it out with your partner.
6. What happens if we break up?
If your relationship is quite new, be aware that you do not know your partner very well. You truly know a person when you start living with them, so be ready to encounter problems as your start your life together. Although it may seem like the least romantic thing to do, you need a plan in case things go wrong. If you are not financially independent, how are you going to leave them? If you decide to go back home, where are you going to live? Where are you going to work? All these things need to be considered to make sure your move is safe.
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