1. City Cafe — Ultimate Burger Challenge
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Cram your body as full as it will possibly go with food. Either you vomit, cleansing your body of toxins (probably) or the sheer mass of food will absorb all the alcohol (I’m not a doctor). Also if you finish you get it for free. Win-win if you ask me.
2. The Last Word Saloon — La Maria del Fuego
This is a great hangover cure: Calle 23 Blanco Tequila, tomato water, agave syrup, freshly squeezed lime juice & homemade chilli tincture. Yum!
3. Hula — Ginger Jack Juice
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For when your stomach feels like a bunch of rocks in a washing machine.
This, friends, is the ‘healthy option.’ Restrain the urge to lash out at the lively, fresh-faced juice drinkers who don’t share your pain. Just sip your juice and repeat ‘i’m not going to die’.
4. Oink — Hog roast with haggis and apple sauce
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Roast pork, haggis and sweet apple sauce in a buttered bap, say no more.
5. Los Cardos — Steak burrito with pico de gallo
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Los Cardos deliver fresh burritos right to your door. Perfect for when your head feels like you’ve been drop-kicked by a kangaroo or you just can’t be bothered emerging from the nest of half-removed underwear and street signs you collapsed in last night.
6. Snax — Full Scottish Breakfast
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As it opens at 7am you can rub shoulders with still-drunk first-year students from the nearby student halls. Join in with their hilarious chants and extra loud, repetitive speeches delivered directly into your ear-hole about politics or mass consumerism or something. They also do delivery.
7. The Oxford Bar — Deuchars
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Let’s be honest, we all know that the best thing to cure a hangover is more drink. After all — eating is cheating. Edinburgh has a wealth of mercifully dark ‘intellectual pubs’ such as the Oxford Bar, frequented by writers and artists. As you are submerged in an existential crisis inspired by last night’s behaviour you will look like you’re deep in thought about something important. If someone asks you why you’re crying, just say you are contemplating the futility of existence and the inexorable void that surrounds us all.