Your mom will love us.

What’s more important than your mother’s opinion? We’ll complement her dress and her decorating in the same conversation, and we actually mean it. She will always trust us, and we won’t ever give her a reason not to. Those southern manners serve us well.

We never judge you for drinking too much, or for starting to drink too early.

By “early,” I mean the time of day, and your age. We started drinking in our teens, and we also started drinking at 10am today. If it’s a game day, we started drinking at 9am. If you feel like throwing back some whiskey at the first sign of daylight, we will happily oblige.

We appreciate the little things.

We totally noticed how beautiful your garden is this year, and we respect how hard you worked on it. We will also get just as excited as you do when your crockpot recipe turns out absolutely perfect.

We offer our input in only the nicest way.

Ah, the age-old question, “does this dress make me look fat?” Well, girl, it doesn’t really do anything for your hot body, let’s see another one. After you’ve tried twenty different dresses, we’ll throw in ol’ trusty: “You’re such a perfectionist!” Translation: “I am experiencing the slowest death while watching you try on twenty dresses. When will this be over?” But hey, at least we were nice about it!

We don’t expect extravagance when we visit your home.

Seriously, you do not need to clean your house when I come over. I know you’re going to, but you don’t have to. We’re also totally content doing nothing but hanging out. In fact, can I come over and watch The Bachelor while you catch up on your laundry? I’ll match the socks.

We expect extravagance when you visit our homes.

We have been cleaning all day, and we’ve got some homemade lemonade chilling in the fridge. We will repeat every hour on the hour, “Can I get you a drink? Is the temperature okay in here? Are you hungry? Okay, well let me know if you need anything.” We know that you don’t care, but we do!

We will love you regardless of whatever silly choices you make.

Although we disagree, and we can’t convince you otherwise, we will still love you even if you are a Tennessee fan.

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