Your mom will love us.
What’s more important than your mother’s opinion? We’ll complement her dress and her decorating in the same conversation, and we actually mean it. She will always trust us, and we won’t ever give her a reason not to. Those southern manners serve us well.
We never judge you for drinking too much, or for starting to drink too early.
By “early,” I mean the time of day, and your age. We started drinking in our teens, and we also started drinking at 10am today. If it’s a game day, we started drinking at 9am. If you feel like throwing back some whiskey at the first sign of daylight, we will happily oblige.