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7 Things New Englanders Complain About but Secretly Love

by Alyssa Oh Nov 7, 2016

1. Nor’ Easters.

Snowmageddon, Snowpocalypse, Snowzilla, whatever you want to call it, New Englanders know you don’t mess around with a Nor’ Easter. We complain about the soul crushing cold, paralyzing winds and our entire world looking like it’s been attacked by a cracked-out Elsa from Frozen.  We moan about the hours spent digging our cars out of 8 foot snow drifts and the agony when the plough comes by and socks us back in again. And woe be unto the neighbor who moves the garbage cans and beach chairs we put out to stake our claim on the parking spots we spent our lives digging out.

The thing is, once we’re snowed in, Nor Easters are actually pretty cozy. With the entire tri-state area shut down, there’s nowhere to go and nothing to do but pop open a bottle of wine, curl up on the couch and binge watch your favorite shows. Nor Easters are nature’s original Netflix and Chill.

2. College Kids.

They’re rude, they’re noisy, they drive rent prices up and they don’t know how to use the T. But every Bostonian knows that young people are the pulse of this vibrant city. Without all the intellectuals and creatives at Harvard, MIT, BU and Emerson, how else would we brag about how wicked smaht we are? Besides, Even the Mighty Mighty Boss Tones can admit that Kenmore Square is kind of lonely when they all go home for the holidays.

3. Leaf Peepers.

Who are these jerks with out of state license plates clogging up the highways by driving like they just escaped from a nursing home? Leaf Peepers appear every fall to gawk at our gorgeous scenery and flood our local farms. They tromp through our pumpkin patches and guzzle our hot cider like it’s going out of style.

See, thing thing is, we’re actually quite chuffed that people come from miles around to partake of every red-blooded New Englander’s favorite time of year. Fall never gets old for us. We lived to go apple picking and stuff our faces with cider donuts. Halloween in New England isn’t just kids stuff. We go crazy tricking out our homes and yards with scarecrows, spiderwebs and all manner of ghosts and goblins. A common problem in our neck of the woods each October is having to choose between costume parties because you have *too many* to attend. Our autumn season is the envy of the world, and we know how to enjoy it!

4. The T.

With constant delays, crusty conductors and weird musty smells emanating from almost every station, Bostonians love to complain about the T. The thing is though, it’s cheaper and more comprehensive than public transport in many other major American cities. That, and Boston has some of the most high quality eccentrics you’ll find on any subway. When you hop aboard it’s anybody’s guess as to whether you’ll witness an opera singer giving an impromptu performance, a kid busting out sick breakdancing moves in the aisles to make some extra cash or a sandwich board clad cult leader trying to redeem your immortal soul. Thank you for riding the T!

5. New York City.

Call it second city syndrome, but New Englanders love to hate N.Y.C. We believe in every stereotype. New York City is overcrowded and over rated, New Yorkers are arrogant, and their sports teams are Evil Incarnate. Why then do we pack into the Fung Wah bus from South Station to invade the Big Apple every weekend we get a chance? New York is Boston on steroids. They have a subway that doesn’t shut down at 12:30AM, you can order food from anywhere in the world delivered directly to your doorstep 24 hours a day and we can’t get enough of scoring rush tickets to Broadway shows before they make it to Boston. Even though Bean Town is first in every New Englander’s heart, we love popping over to NYC for a little hit of real big city life.

6. Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.

What a pair of overrated pretty boys! They made a name for themselves pretending to be street roughs from Southie but they’re really a couple of drama geeks from leafy Cambridge. Yes, the Baskin Robbins in Harvard Square that they immortalized in Goodwill Hunting was a real place. And no, I do not care how you like, “them apples”.

The thing is… we’re actually busting with pride over these two local guys made good for making being from Boston cool. And every dyed in the wool Massachusetts Democrat (especially us ladies) gets a little tear of righteous joy in her eye when Matt Damon defends teachers and teacher’s unions on camera. What can we say? We have a soft spot for anyone who takes up for an underdog.

7. Expressions like, “Masshole”, and “Maine-iac”.

So we’re a little eccentric. But our aggressive driving, hatred of pleasantries and near-homicidal devotion to our sports teams doesn’t mean we deserve to be thought of as a bunch of crazy jerks by the rest of the country, does it? Actually, New Englanders aren’t too fussed about being popular. We’ve got ideals, morals and principals. We tell it like it is and if people think we’re a little prickly for it… well that suits us just fine.

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