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72 Things You Should Never Say to Your Lesbian Friend

Student Work Entertainment
by Meg Cale Dec 10, 2014

1. Can I watch?

2. You look just like Shane.

3. I’ll pray for you.

4. Ever hear that joke about the Uhaul?

5. A girl I went to high school with is gay; she lives in Boise. Do you know her?

6. I think lesbians are awesome. It’s dudes I have a problem with.

7. You remind me of Jenny Schechter.

8. What exactly is scissoring?

9. But you’re so pretty!

10. Do you have to dress like a guy?

11. You’d look better with longer hair.

12. I LOVE Ellen.

13. Are you a Melissa Etheridge fan? Coooommmeee tooo my windowwww!

14. If you’re gonna strap it on, why not just date a dude?

15. I hate cats.

16. If your girlfriend looks like a guy, why be gay?

17. Do your parents know?

18. You look like sisters!

19. Is it true that gay kids kill themselves?

20. Have you ever dated a guy though? You just haven’t met the right one.

21. Are you a virgin?

22. I’ve never been to a gay wedding, can I come?

23. Who’s the real mother?

24. When did you become gay?

25. I need some pointers for meeting women.

26. Why do you have to be so dykie?

27. I could turn you.

28. If you’ve never been with a guy, how can you be sure you’re a lesbian?

29. I’m a lesbian trapped inside a man’s body.

30. Who’s the kid’s dad?

31. Were you an athlete in college?

32. Do you think Tegan and Sara do it?

33. Have you ever had real sex?

34. I would have never guessed you were a lesbian, you seem so straight!

35. Is it true they use a turkey baster to inseminate?

36. I would never want my kid to be gay, ya know? Life would be so hard for them.

37. Boys are dumb, maybe I’ll be gay.

38. Can you fix this for me?

39. Everyone has a mother and a father. That’s just science.

40. I’m not homophobic. I just get uncomfortable.

41. What a waste.

42. You look so cute! No homo.

43. This is just a phase.

44. There aren’t any gay people where I’m from.

45. Why isn’t there a Straight Pride Parade?

46. All women are a little gay.

47. Wanna have a threesome with my boyfriend?

48. Are you gonna get gay-married now?

49. Which one of you is the dude?

50. Your lifestyle is your business. You don’t need to talk about it so much though.

51. Do you watch Glee?

52. OH EM GEEZ; I LOVE gay people.

53. Let me be your wingman. I love lesbian bars.

54. Are you attracted to me?

55. That’s so gay.

56. I KNEW IT!

57. Is _____ gay too?

58. Gays getting married is one thing, but having kids? No, just no.

59. I like you. You’re not like those other gays.

60. Are you a Macklemore fan?

61. My boyfriend wouldn’t care if we made out.

62. I cried when Whitney and Sada got married.

63. Would you have sex with yourself?

64. I wish I were gay. My life would be so much easier.

65. Have you ever met a tranny?

66. If I hang out with you, people might think I’m gay too.

67. Did you look at me in the locker room in high school?

68. Were you sexually abused as a child?

69. Why do lesbians hate men?

70. It’s not real sex.

71. Do you wear cherry chapstick?

72. Is your life really like The L Word?

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