Photo: Daniel M Ernst/Shutterstock

I Was Born in Argentina Where...

by Laura Bernhein Jun 15, 2015

1. A good friend is un boludo.

2. El mate — and our germs — are for sharing.

3. Friendship is a religion.

4. Kisses and hugs are not a scarce commodity.

5. Smiles and rage are as true as the tango Cambalache.

6. “Middle ground” is a faraway kingdom we have only heard of in Norwegian fairytales.

7. Children talk about politics the same way they talk about Legos or Barbies.

8. And bedtime is some foreign custom that’s never really clicked with us.

9. We’ve mastered the art of la sobremesa and any other art that implies going to bed in the early morning.

10. Politicians say things like “All we politicians need to do is to quit stealing for two years.”

11. And, more than twenty years later, we are still waiting for that miracle to happen…Because, after all and partly thanks to our Pope, we’re a nation of faith!

12. But there are also tons of people like Mónica Carranza, who have created comedores populares to feed children who otherwise won’t eat anything all day.

13. “See you at at 9pm” means: “Well, I’ll try to be there by 11, but you know how this bondi de mierda works…”

14. “Barbarian” (bárbaro) means “amazing” and an amazing woman is “a big barbarian mine” (un minón bárbaro).

15. We keep it simple when it comes to having a feast: asado, vino and panqueques de dulce de leche are how angels celebrate in heaven, didn’t you know that?

16. Oh, you didn’t know either that Dios es argentino? (Well, at least one of his hands is…).

17. Churches ring their bells when Argentina wins a game in the World Cup.

18. Honks are for honking! And honking and yelling and jumping and dancing and forgetting about politicians’ BS and having orgasms is what we do when Argentina wins the World Cup (Damn it! We were so close…).

19. We don’t need to listen to tango all the time, because no matter where we are, we are tango. “I carry the South like a destiny of my heart…Vuelvo al Sur, llevo el Sur, ¡te quiero Sur!”.

20. Having un cafecito means having the most meaningful, acidic and hilarious conversations of your life.

21. Cook pots are for banging on during protests.

22. A plastic bottle on a car’s roof means “For sale.”

23. Che is a first name…

24. Making out is a public spectacle.

25. And you sleep when you’re dead!

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