IF YOU DON’T HAVE A SENSE of humor, you’re going to have a rough time raising kids. Fortunately for James Breakwell, a father of four daughters under the age of six, having a sense of humor is his job. He Tweets as Exploding Unicorn, and his posts about being a dad are hilarious.
3-year-old daughter: A boy at daycare said he likes me.
Me: Do you like him back?
3: He colors outside the lines. He needs to grow up.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 15, 2016
His Twitter account has amassed 580,000 followers thanks in large part to his family Tweets.
5-year-old: I wish we all had infinity dollars
Me: That’d wreck the economy
5: I just-
Me: Go to your room until you understand inflation
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 7, 2015
Breakwell’s daughters are on board with him using their quotes for Twitter, he told Buzzfeed, “mainly because it’s all about them.”
4-year-old: My best friend is a dragon.
Me: I thought your best friend was a magic pony.
4: The dragon ate him.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 16, 2016
His wife, he says, is “grudgingly tolerant” of his Twitter account. “She was well-aware I was a jerk when she married me, so my tweets haven’t changed her opinion of me in the slightest.”
Pregnant wife: What should we name the baby?
Me: Let's ask Twitter
Me: I'll take that as a yes pic.twitter.com/LNAT3vjxHY
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 31, 2015
4-year-old daughter: *points to a dead squirrel on the road* He was a boy.
Me: How can you tell?
4-year-old: He was stupid.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 23, 2015
On top of the Twitter account, he has a webcomic called Unfridgeworthy, in which he turns his daughters’ drawings into comics.
Me: What happened to Ken?
5-year-old daughter: Zombies. pic.twitter.com/frJHM6MZPc
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 20, 2015
Are gender roles nature or nurture?
All I know is I bought my daughter a Lego cupcake set & she built a lightsaber. pic.twitter.com/QZSt20yrcs
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 30, 2016
They also do the cutest impression of Liam Neeson in Taken you’ve ever seen.
My wife said I should record more family videos of the kids.
She should have been more specific. pic.twitter.com/GFBJg8XTsC
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 19, 2016
The term “dad joke” is usually meant as an insult. James Breakwell is elevating that craft, and for that, we award him the Father’s Day “Funniest Dad” award for 2016. Happy Father’s Day, everyone.