1. Visit your Hungarian grandma only to see that she’s watching Kívánságkosár on Duna TV.

2. When payday is the 10th and you’re still waiting for your fizu on the 13th…

3. Have a BKK automatic ticket machine in peak hour that takes money without printing tickets, doesn’t accept notes, doesn’t accept cards, or are just plain old-fashioned out of order.

4. Bring foreign politicians to town, putting the city into lockdown. Then surround the blacked-out cars with police cars that have sirens constantly blaring a horridly obnoxious sound. While you’re at it, shut down Andrássy Avenue and the Rakpart without warning. Or the busses for hours on end for UK PM David Cameron. We really don’t care you are in town, we just want to get the fuck home.

6. Inform us that “napi menu” has run out.

7. Try to pay us with a 20,000 forint bill immediately after a cafe opens.

8. Call countries like Romania, Slovakia and Serbia by their foreign names and not their original Hungarian names. And don’t even try to call Pozsony “Bratislava.”

9. Say you barrack for one of the other 11 teams in the 1st division besides Fradi.

10. Refuse a shot of pálinka, even if it’s first thing in the morning.

11. Actually think Hungary is in Eastern — not Central — Europe.

12. Ask for someone’s személyi igazolvány only to hear they don’t have their ID card on them.

13. Charge more than 500 forints for a large beer.

14. Be a singer called Ákos who tries to tell women what to do — just sit back and watch all hell break loose on Facebook.

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