Compare Charlotte to a little Atlanta.

We aren’t Atlanta’s kid brother and we don’t like being referred to as such. Atlanta and Charlotte are completely different. For instance, Atlanta has an insufferable amount of traffic and Charlotte has a slightly less insufferable amount of traffic.

Insult the sport we don’t pay all that much attention to.

A lot of Charlotteans have never made it to a NASCAR race and don’t really know much about it. We may have gone to the All Star Race a few times, but that was only for an excuse to day drink Budweiser in jean shorts. We do know however, that NASCAR is very important to us in the Queen City, so don’t bash it. After all, Charlotte is the home of the NASCAR Hall of Fame; which most of us have also never been to, but the tourists tell us it’s great.

Be rude at the Harris Teeter.

Charlotteans are chatty folks. We consider it rude not to ask how everyone is doing at the grocery store. Sometimes, we even get in lengthy conversations with the check-out lady about how nice the weather is outside. Don’t be the upstate New Yorker behind us in line, tapping your heels, impatiently muttering, “come on, already.” You moved down here for our nice weather, you have to put up with our nice manners.

Ask us if we are in banking.

“So, are you in banking?” When chatting with a stranger at an uptown Charlotte bar, there’s about a fifty percent chance they do work for Bank of America. But the rest of us are sick of being asked.

Refer to Uptown as Downtown.

Charlotte is the Queen City and the Queen is a classy uptown lady, not a downtown tramp. So don’t roll your eyes when we tell you our city center is referred to as uptown not downtown. There is actual historical reasoning behind our uptown name… but to be honest we kind of just like how it sounds.

Ask to meet for a drink at the Epicenter on Saturday night.

Only two kinds of people hang out at the Epicenter on the weekends, tourists and incredibly wasted, obnoxious twenty-somethings. It’s okay during the week for dinner or on Thursdays for AA5 but we avoid it at all costs on the weekends. Sure, we’ve all been forced to go there at least once on a Saturday night but the only thing we can actually remember is how miserable it was.

Overestimate your sense of direction.

You’ve been warned; get a GPS or you will get lost. Every street in Charlotte is named Sharon or Queens something and they switch names without any warning. You can be driving down Queens Road, take a right at a stoplight and still be on Queens Road, but keep driving straight without any turns and you’re suddenly on Queens Road East. A GPS will help keep your eyes on the road and avoid wrecks, which is important considering Charlotteans aren’t always the most cautious drivers. Especially when it comes to stoplights; green means go, red means stop, and yellow means gun it.

Take us to Christmas Town, USA, in December.

All Charlotteans have been to McAdenville during Christmas at least once and once is enough. Call us scrooges, but no amount of twinkling lights is worth that traffic.

Insult Michael Jordan.

Michael Jordan brought the Hornets back to Charlotte after 10 long years, so that basically makes him our hero. The buzz is back!

Call the Panthers the “best worst team in the NFL.”

There’s no better way to get a Charlottean’s blood boiling than to talk smack about the Panthers. We caught a lot of flack last season while we were busy kicking everyone’s ass. We ultimately lost the Super Bowl but we still had a better season than whichever team you cheer for, unless you’re a Bronco’s fan, then touché. But most importantly, we love our quarterback and have his back no matter what he says… or doesn’t say. Don’t talk badly about him or we may just do something that looks a little bit like an elbow punch at first. It’s called the dab.

If you keep these things in mind next time you’re in Charlotte, we may just mean it when we say we’re sorry to see you go home.

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