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How to Piss Off Someone From Hoboken

by Stephanie Vermillion Jun 28, 2016

Tell us how impressed you are that we found our way to Manhattan.

For some reason, Manhattan residents can’t grasp how close Hoboken is to the Big Apple. New Jersey may as well be another planet — even though it’s um… three minutes by ferry? Five minutes by PATH? Fifteen minutes by bus? Yeah. Keep the pity stares to yourself because not only are we “so brave” for making the hike over, we’re also “so lucky” we get to call peaceful Hoboken our home.

Lollygag in the PATH ticket lines.

Now, I realize for first-time riders getting a Metro Card may be a challenge — kind of — but when PATH riders clog up the ticket line, Hobokenites miss their trains. And when Hobokenites miss their trains, it ain’t cool. When it comes to PATH, faster is always, always better.

Diss New Jersey.

Few things annoy proud Hobokenites more than the stereotypical Jersey slam. Yes, we’ve all seen The Jersey Shore, but here’s a fun fact: The majority of the show’s GTL crew is actually from New York. The Situation? Staten Island. Snooki? Marlboro. So, while we may live in New Jersey, you better believe we’re not MTV’s rendition of us.

Park like an idiot.

Unless you have a garage spot, parking in Hoboken is just plain miserable, and out-of-towners who come in here and take up a spot and a half make it that much worse. Don’t be afraid of a little bumper to bumper parking, and for the love of God, please don’t think a set of flashers gives you the right to stop wherever you please.

Suggest a wall on the waterfront.

During Hurricane Sandy, Hoboken suffered tremendous flooding and long-term damage that left the Mile Square City without power for a week. To counter the problem, the City of Hoboken looked into multiple options to counter flooding problems in the future – but their initial proposal caused an uproar. That’s because they suggested a sea wall that would prevent flooding in the low-lying parts of the city. A sea wall that, at points, would be up to 12 feet high. A sea wall that would ruin Hoboken’s greatest asset – our gorgeous waterfront views. As you can imagine, even the slightest mention of a Hoboken wall causes blood to boil all over the city.

Act shocked when you hear about our cost-of-living.

“If you don’t mind me asking, how much is your rent?” Well, we don’t care if you ask, as long as your reaction isn’t a gasp and an “Oh my goodness!” It’s the East Coast, folks. Of course our rent is higher than the ‘burbs. But we’re also not in the burbs. If we wanted to save money on rent, we’d move. But Hoboken is well worth the price.

Assume everyone’s a drunk.

Sure, St. Paddy’s Day, Santa Con and, well, every weekend night here can get a little crazy, but Hoboken is way more than a crazy college scene — and we’re sick of people not realizing it. Hoboken is filled with the arts, culture, dining, athletics and some seriously family-friendly activities, so while we may have a good bar scene, we’re not just a bunch of rowdy, 21-year-old drunks.

Ask us if we’ve been to Carlos Bakery.

Just because we live in Hoboken doesn’t mean we’re Carlo’s loyalists. Sure, the Cake Boss has a fan following across the country, but here in Hoboken, we’d opt for the German Bakery or Sweet any day. But, hey, we don’t mind if you hit up Carlo’s instead — more German Bakery quark ball donuts for us.

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