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Revenge: A Dish Served Best With... Crabs?

by Candice Walsh Jun 21, 2010
Have you discovered that your slimy boyfriend has been dating somebody else? Do you have a greaseball “friend” spreading rumors about you to the public? Perhaps a little revenge is in order.

Some people are really good at payback. Consider Regretsy, the website run by April Winchill which displays and mocks all the terrible crap being sold on Etsy. Winchill nails the public humiliation revenge, with humor and harsh words when it comes to creations like the Eco Friendly Mountain Girl Barefoot Sandals and the Lion Tamer Jungle Bra.

Maybe you’re not the most creative person when it comes to mapping out a revenge plan, or maybe you’re more passive aggressive than Winchill. True, it’s hard to be original in a world hell bent on flaming bags of dog poop.

Or you could try my neighbor’s approach to getting even with me and my roommates for throwing a keg party. For them, pooping on our front stoop was the answer. Just a few nights ago, our house got egged. Some people can’t let go.

The world is filled with bitter people stung by the jerks of their past. The following sites make it easy: all you need is some extra cash and a real black soul.

Boxed Revenge

This site sends unusual boxed gifts to people who deserve ill treatment, like a double-fisted-drinking-party-animal wife, or a lazy, beer swilling, good-for-nothing husband.

Some of their products include:

Chocolate flavored laxatives – Despite the telltale packaging, this is a real sweet revenge.

Animal skulls – No fear, the disclaimer notes: “These are road kill or died naturally and found in the wild.”

Roadkill – If you have a spare $50 hanging around.

Horse crap and cow manure – Also available in super-size portions for $30 or more.

Dead flowers and dead bugs – For the emo kid in all of us.

An empty box – To represent the emptiness of the relationship. Poetic.

A stocking filled with coal at Christmas – The perfect holiday revenge!

Crab Revenge

The ultimate revenge (and my personal favorite), this website’s slogan is “Make That Bitch Itch.” Yep, this site sends live crabs to your enemy, where they will take up residence in somebody’s pubes.

Their packages include:

Green Package – The standard package, with just enough itch to do the job.

Blue Package – Three times the itch of the green package.

Red Package – The mother of all packages, this high end package is also known as the “F Strain.” This package is so effective, not even Permethrin will get rid of the itch.

The site assures that it’s legit, but apparently legal issues have prevented the owners from divulging too many details about the business. I’m dying to know who farms the crabs in the first place?

Community Connection

Do you think revenge is petty? How would you plot your payback? Share your evil details with us below!

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