I’m looking for a “real” job in London. No bartending. No English-speaking tour guiding or sitting at a hostel desk in exchange for room and board. I’d actually like someone to hire me on merit — not just because I look cute behind a bar.

Not only is the London job market cutthroat right now, I’m applying for work in an extremely competitive field. By competitive, I mean a bunch of clueless Oxford and Cambridge graduates with no idea what they want to do with their lives are applying for the same internships as me — a Canadian with a two-year visa that screams “I probably won’t stay here, don’t waste your money training me!” A month later, I haven’t had one interview. I’m still trawling through online ads and attending networking events so I don’t have to use my last $500 to buy myself a one-way ticket back to my mom’s house.

You might be in my situation. You may have just returned home from a RTW trip. If you’re looking for a job, surely you’ll recognize at least a few of these.

You’ve just arrived and see all the places hiring…

Dancing in living room

…so you send out resumes like this…

Guy typing crazily

But you keep getting HR emails that read like…

Card with "I'm sorry" and middle finger

Then you realize being capable of speaking English doesn’t make you automatically employable anymore…

Woman expressing disbelief and maybe some disgust

…so you call a recruitment agency, and they’re all, “We’re in this together…”

President gives high five to kid

But they don’t call you back for two weeks, so you spend a few days like…

Cartoon drunk guy in squalor

Then the recruiter calls you back for an interview with one of their clients and you’re like…

Person running with her arms spread wide

…so you go from looking like this…

Scraggly person at home

…to looking like…

Dude with fancy beard

The interviewer asks what you did during that 2-year gap on your resume, and you’re like…

Bright smile in lieu of answer

You tell her “cultural immersion,” but it really means some of this…

Person shouts "I'm on drugs!"

…occasionally this…

Dancing in Papua New Guinea

…but mostly this…

Models at parties

After the interview, she says “We’ll call you” and you know it’s…

Person yells "Lies!"

Your friend tells you not to worry because his brother looked for work for 6 months before he found something…

Unimpressed person displays her "over the moon" face

Group interviews be like…

Pillow fighting over river

…and all you want is someone to…

Person says "Pay me my money"

Once you figure out someone at a networking event is hiring, you’re like…

Two people looking entranced and fascinated

…but they’re all…

I'm sorry. I'm allergic to bullshit.

So you start to wonder why you gave up this…

A person walking fingers along a globe

…and this…

A person surfing

…for this…

A person at desk day and night

But don’t worry. When you get down, just remember this:

As you sit on Earth, you're spinning through space