Photo: erratik_

Bartenders have heard it all — from the request for the DIY drink a patron once concocted with holiday Schnapps leftovers to the request for a completely inappropriate drink, such as a Bloody Mary at 2am in a nightclub. Here are some cocktails us bartenders hate to make.

Cosmopolitans

Sex in the City is over — so are cosmos.

Mojitos

The primary reason this particular cocktail irritates bartenders is the time it takes to make. On a busy night, with patrons four-deep, most bar professionals don’t want to spend five minutes muddling mint leaves. At times we’ll just say “we’re out of mint” just to make you reorder.

As you’re shaking something, “Oh, one more!”

Seriously? SMH

Birthday shots

Not only do we hate it when people assume they get free shots on their birthday, we hate making the fru-fru sugary shots they request such as ‘blowjobs’ because they make a sticky mess.

Chichi/margarita or anything blended

Blended drinks are the worst affront to polite society in all of the history of everything.

Lemon drop

We hate this shot because of the damn sugar, EVERYTHING gets sticky!

Appletini

It may have had its place in the club scene in the early 2000s, but it’s run its course. Super sweet and brightly colored is always a bad sign.

Flaming Lamborghini

This is a mixture of 151, sweet liqueurs, and Kahlua that is set ablaze. The customer is supposed to drink it through a straw while it’s still on fire. Most reputable bars and nightclubs don’t allow these idiotic shots because of the fire hazard.

“I dunno, something good.”

This has to be the most-common and annoying order because it is not a fucking order.

Long Island iced teas

Flavour-wise, the Long Island iced tea would have to be the worst. It’s a drink that was invented in Prohibition to disguise the taste of poorly made grain alcohol, so it’s meant to be really sour — just sweet & sour mix, Coke, and five white spirits, which don’t even go particularly well together. We’ll make it if a customer orders it, but we don’t understand why someone would want one.

“Surprise me!”

MaCallan 25 neat. That will be $60.


However…

This should all be taken with a grain of salt. We really don’t care what people drink as long as they order politely and enjoy what we make.

My advice: Keep it simple, know your order before you lock eyes with your bartender, and order like drinks in rounds as to not waste the bartender’s time. And don’t forget to tip!

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