If joining the Mile High Club is a spontaneous decision, you probably won’t be reading this article (unless you’re on a plane with wifi and you’re looking for some help, so I’ll keep it quick). Otherwise, planning ahead can make things easier. Don’t wear underwear and choose clothes that can easily be removed or zipped open (skirts are a must here). Also, make sure you have any protection you use close at hand. Very frustrating to get started and realize the condoms are still in the overhead compartment!
Choose your time carefully.
On most flights there are often long queues for the bathrooms, especially shortly before landing and after meal service has been cleared away. You’ll need to choose a time when no one is loitering around the bathrooms. Keep an eye out for an ideal moment in the middle of the flight; once the lights have dimmed people tend not to get up as much. Red-eye flights are ideal if you want to maximize your chances.
Choose the location.
With hundreds of eyes looking forward, you’ll want to avoid the front of the cabin. However, the back (on many long-haul configurations) is often where the air crew likes to hang out. If you’re on a plane with no galley at the back, you’ve struck lucky. Otherwise, wait until the curtains are drawn and you can sneak in.
Get in the mood.
You probably won’t feel too sexy once you enter the bathroom mid-flight, so make sure you get in the mood beforehand. Those blankets are passed out for a reason. While this isn’t the reason, they can still help you get warmed up with discretion.
Stagger your entry.
Two people wandering into the bathroom can only mean one thing. So try and leave a little gap between you and your partner entering. However, don’t leave it too long; if that door is unlocked, anyone can walk in.
This is no time to worry about how good you are or how long you can last — this will NOT be the best sex you’ve ever had. Worry about simply joining the club rather than earning any gold medals. And once the job is done there’s no time for anything else — you just need to get out of there. (Yes it is a guy writing this.)
Given the design of airline bathrooms, there isn’t the possibility to peek from behind the door to see if anyone’s waiting without looking super sketchy. As such, you’ll just have to unlock the door and walk straight out. No point of one of you staying inside, as the next passenger will be walking straight in. Walk out together and hold your heads up high. If possible, try and walk in the opposite direction of those queuing outside, but at worst you’re unlikely to get more than a few small laughs. In any case, it’s too late now.
Choose your country carefully.
Some areas of the world are a lot more nervous about people doing inappropriate things in bathrooms or acting suspiciously on planes. Try joining the Mile High Club in Australia and you’ll probably have someone offer to watch the door for you — if you get caught on a London to New York, you might have more problems explaining yourself.
Be prepared for the consequences.
Joining the Mile High Club is not illegal in itself, but there are numerous rules about sex and conduct in public places (which change from country to country) and airlines have various (and varying) rules about what can and can’t be done on board. If you get caught, chances are you’ll be politely asked to return to your seat, though results could be more serious so be prepared.
Book a Mile High flight.
Believe it or not, there are several companies who will help you join this club. A small chartered plane will whisk you to an appropriate altitude with a glass of champagne to put you both in the mood. You’ll then be left alone to become a full-fledged member without any of the normal distractions. Prices start from around $400. If you really want to impress your significant other, you could also try the Singapore Airlines first-class suite — with a full-size bed and closing doors. It’ll set you back about $5,000 for a London to Singapore one-way though, so you’d better hope it’s a memorable experience.