[Several months ago, a group of young tastemakers boarded the SS Coachella for what was supposed to be three days of cruising around the Bahamas while listening to the music of Pulp, the Black Lips, Grimes, and many more indie darlings. Three days into the journey, the boat lost all communication with the mainland; they were never heard from again.
Rescue efforts went on for weeks, but no sign of the ship was ever discovered. Several weeks later, another cruise ship carrying jam-band aficionados went missing. The twin disappearance of these cruise liners dominated the headlines for several days, until all media attention was turned to Justin Bieber’s new face tattoo.
Nothing was known about what happened to the ships…until now. Our offices have acquired an iPad 2 that washed up on the Bahamian shore. We believe it contains the answers to the fates of the SS Coachella and Jam Cruise. We’re republishing the notes as we found them.]