1. Do not pack anytime between midnight and 7am.
Do you know what is one of the most annoying sounds in the universe? Zippers when you’re trying to sleep. And boy, there must be backpacks that have at least 100 of them, judging by the frequency with which they are opened and closed while packing in the middle of the night.
We are all (more or less) grown-ups, hence we all should be able to plan a little bit ahead. So when you know that you will be leaving early in the morning, is it really so difficult to plan your afternoon and evening in a way that will give you enough time to pack your stuff and leave only a few last pieces for the morning? This way the entire dorm won’t have to listen to your zipper cacophony while they’re trying to sleep.
2. Do not bring plastic bags in a dorm room.
Do you know what is the second most annoying noise in the universe, right after zippers? The rustling of plastic bags in the otherwise silence of the night. Of course you don’t know that, because you’re the one who has a collection of at least five of them, all filled with important stuff you desperately need before you go to bed. Few things inspire such intense homicidal intentions like trying to sleep but having to listen to a person searching for their toothbrush in every single plastic bag they shoved into the bottom of their very zippered backpack.
3. Do not turn on the light.
“Crap, why is it so dark in here? Could there be a reason that the light is turned off at 2am? Naaa, I don’t think so” — click. And the whole dorm is awake again. Well done, you! You deserve a medal for pissing off the highest possible number of people with the smallest amount of effort.
When you know that you will come back late, just prepare your flashlight so you can easily reach it on your pillow. Or, as you take your phone everywhere with you anyway, just use that as flashlight. Mind = blown!
4. The only thing more annoying than a steady light is a steadily flashing light.
So you were a good traveler and prepared your flashlight? Very much appreciated! But please remember that a constantly flashing light in front of closed eyes can easily be as tormenting as a plastic bag if you have to suffer from it for too long. Please try to be as quick as possible with whatever you’re doing, or, even better, try to fix your flashlight somewhere around your bed and you’ll have a happily sleeping bunch of travelers.
5. Keep your private conversations out of the dorm after midnight.
You’re here to party and never need to sleep? Good for you. But some travelers actually do try to follow the natural rhythm of being awake during the day and sleeping at night. So if you get back to your dorm after midnight, just please shut up and get ready for bed as quietly as possible. This does not include sharing the newest gossip you just read on Facebook, watching YouTube videos, or discussing the plans for the next day with your newfound travel buddy.
6. Do not wear an ankle bracelet with cute little bells.
I get it, if you’re traveling the warm regions of the world and you don’t wear an ankle bracelet you obviously can’t be one of the cool people. But well, here we have another of those really annoying noises when you are trying to sleep. So please be a thoughtful traveler and take your anklet off before you enter your dorm in the middle of the night.
7. There is a thing called tiptoeing.
And then there is a thing called trampling. Depending on the structure of the hostel building, trampling can even make the beds shake…and an earthquake is not the most thrilling feeling to wake up to. But if you put a little bit of effort into the way you walk and touch the ground first with your tiptoe and not with the full power of your heel, you can hover over the ground soundlessly like a fairy.
8. Do not unplug someone else’s charger.
Haven’t your parents taught you any decency? You don’t just unplug someone else’s charger, no matter how desperately you want to see how many likes your picture of the 25th magnificent sunset on the beach has gotten. Just sit quiet and wait till it’s your turn. The world won’t implode just because you don’t have internet access for an hour. And if it really is that urgent, then there’s still this quite old-fashioned but polite thing you can do called asking.
9. Do not leave any used cotton swabs or tissues lying around.
Or anything else comparably disgusting. Why do I even have to mention this?
10. Do not drunkenly fall out of your bed in the middle of the night.
No explanation needed.
And now rest well, my fellow travelers. New dawn, new day, new hostel dorm!