“It’s 3090 miles to Boston. We have a full tank of gas, half a growler of kombucha, and The Roots bumpin through the stereo… HIT IT!!”
2. The “F-Word.”
Being in an enclosed space with your significant other for extended periods of time will ultimately expose your darkest, most pungent secrets. While I win the award for frequency, nothing in our relationship had prepared me for what she unleashed at mile marker 84 in Montana.
3. What to do when 20 questions fails.
And eye spy, and slug bug, and counting road kill, and singing along to the radio, and audio books, and conversation. *SHUDDER*
4. Arguing over who’s the better copilot.
5. Trying to find a radio station in the Midwest that isn’t country or Christian.
Good luck, brave adventurers.
6. Having someone to share the unexpected beauty of the landscape.
If you’re road-tripping across America, You. Will. Be. Stunned. The best views were of the Cascades in Washington, mountain lakes in Idaho, Montana sky, North Dakota’s Painted Canyon, Lake Erie and Upstate New York.
7. Determining an acceptable amount of shoes to pack.
If they don’t all fit in a single grocery bag, you’re bringing too many.
8. The joys of being fed while driving.
And here I’ve been, feeding myself all these years like a sucker.
9. Learning to recognize the tell-tale symptoms of carsickness.
“Pull. Ove– Bllleeeeaaaarrrggghh!”
10. The sad realization that GPS isn’t infallible.
Fortunately that false sense of security GPS lulls us into can easily be replaced with panic and maps.
11. Guiltlessly trashing hotel rooms.
I’m not advocating any Led Zeppelin-style hotel shenanigans here (though my hat’s off to you if that’s your M.O.), but who doesn’t feel a little smug knowing they don’t have to clean up after themselves?
12. Realizing that true love is still being able to kiss your greasy, pimply, fast food sweating partner goodnight after 14 hours of driving.
Yep, that snoring, smelly, blanket-stealing lump is your one and only. That, my lovelies, “is Amore.”
13. Admiring/identifying the different bug species collected on your grill and windshield.
“Ooooh! Is that a stag beetle?”
14. Unexpected delays.
No matter how tight your planning game is, getting from point A to point B always takes longer than expected. Stress not, dear ones. Just enjoy it and love the adventure for what it is.
15. Yelling in unison at shitty drivers.
Do you ever find yourself going 40 mph in a 65 then refusing to actually merge onto the interstate? Are you too busy texting and drinking your Big Gulp to engage the turn signal? Do you enjoy following too close, then passing on the right? If so, you just may be a shitty driver. And we hate you.
16. Crying as you hit tolls.
The tears came right about the time we crossed over into Illinos, and didn’t stop till we arrived in Boston. West Coast, we miss you already.