1. You can’t remember the last time you used shampoo or shower gel that actually belonged to you.
2. You know exactly what time you have to wake up in order to get the maximum amount of oatmeal that constitutes the “complimentary breakfast” each morning.
3. You’ve hooked up with at least one of the hostel staff members.
4. You’ve outstayed at least one of the hostel staff members.
5. Despite the fact you’re paying by the night, you’ve been subtly moved into the long-term dorm.
6. You’ve developed a basic understanding of at least one foreign language that another group of travelers in the hostel speaks.
7. You can give directions to anywhere in the area without thinking twice.
8. The sound of strangers snoring has become something of a lullaby to you.
9. You’ve eaten at least one disgusting leftover from the communal food cupboard that you’d never admit to anyone.
10. You know exactly which bunks are the most and the least prone to bedbugs.
11. You’re beginning to derive a sick pleasure from watching others choose the losing mattress of the bedbug lottery.
12. You’ve become accustomed to a sleep schedule that revolves around naps. You get the most shuteye in the afternoon hours when everyone else is out exploring.
13. You’ve become a regular at all the restaurants and cafes on the street, especially those that have wifi.
14. You don’t even bother learning the names of other travelers anymore. You know that another group will replace them soon enough, and that you’ll all get along just the same.
15. You miss having a clean bathroom more than you miss all your friends and loved ones combined.
16. The phrase “I’ll be under you tonight” has absolutely no sexual connotation to you anymore.
17. You’ve been asked “So where are you from?” so many times you’ve begun making up different answers every time just to mess with people.
18. You only know what day of the week it is based on which activities are taking place in the hostel bar or lounge.
19. You know exactly which communal areas you need to avoid after 1am if you don’t want to walk in on an awkward hookup.
20. The smell of dirty feet is an almost welcome indication that you are home at the end of a long day.
21. You scout potential hookups at the bar based on who looks like they might have an actual home you could crash at.
22. Your mind is beginning to wander to other places you could go and other countries you could experience.
23. One day you finally do it. You shell out three dollars for the internet, fire up the good old hostel search engine, and click on the first place listed under “List by Price: low to high.” It’s time to move on, and you know it.
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