4. Mortadella? I’m a vegetarian.
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5. Yeah, I guess Sao Paulo has a ton of handcrafts, vintage items and retro vinyl — for crazy cheap. But it’s just so much easier to go to Ikea.
6. Clubbing with a bunch of beautiful people sounds awful. Definitely don’t want to go.
7. I don’t have time to go see one of the greatest parks in the world. And I don’t care if it has Oscar Niemeyer’s work all over it. No! I will never go to Ibirapuera.
8. Who cares if the ocean’s just 50 minutes away? I hate sand. Definitely don’t care about Guaruja.
9. You know why I hate São Paulo? Because there’s no end to it. Everything’s happening 24/7 — can’t a person just be bored for once?
10. And it’s so hard to get from one end to the other!
11. Why would I want to go to a city where everyone’s so entranced by its beauty all the time? I mean, if I want to fall in love, I’ll join a dating website.
12. I’d rather just drink instant coffee.
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