You know you’re in Buenos Aires when …

1. The subway’s playlist always starts with a “Buenosdíaseñorseñoradisculpenla-interrupciónperovengoa…”

2. People address you as “Che, maestro/flaco/capo.”

3. And they kiss you on the cheek once.

4. You have at least 20 kioskos by street.

5. Fifty Havanna and Bonafide coffee shops by neighborhood.

6. And a massive protest each 1,000 meters.

7. The valet parking service is called “los trapitos.”

8. Winter smells like garrapiñadas and summer like linden.

9. Almost every single conversation that you heard are complaints about the prices, the traffic or Cristina.

10. The Japanese Garden is full of cosplayers.

11. Old cartoon characters like Winnie the Pooh are distributing weird political propaganda.

12. Pigeons are not afraid of landing on your table and eating your food.

13. The cathedral is an ancient Greek temple; the cemetery, a touristic place; and the National Library, some incomprehensible thing.

14. You can find any movie on pirated DVD.

15. The newsstand at the corner is a big institution.

16. But the highest authority is… the building manager!’

17. You can’t stop the odd and inexplicable feeling that there should be more skyscrapers somewhere…

18. The posters in the street last less than a flicker.

19. But there are others that last for years, like the Coca-Cola poster in 9 de Julio or the beeper’s one, that didn’t leave until way after people already had cellphones.

20. The traffic seems to come from a Jacques Tati movie.

21. There’s a juggler and a beggar at every traffic light.

22. Unless you speak Spanish, the language spoken around you feels like Italian.

23. There seem to be more libraries than people.

24. You buy pasta fresh right from the pasta-maker.

25. There are a lot of yellow buses downtown, which are full of tourists that take pictures of you like if you were the Obelisco.

26. You just know there are catacombs somewhere, but nobody can figure out where the entrance is (clue: the Manzana de las Luces).

27. Sunny days are celebrated in the parks, with mate and pastry.

28. The morning is yellow in summertime and foggy in winter.

29. There’re so many lights that is hard to realize when the sunset comes.

30. You feel happy the moment you arrive… and it breaks your heart when you have to leave.