Photo: Shotboxer

6 Things Alabamians Won't Tell You About Their State

by Anna Irving Jul 20, 2017

1. We’ve got dozens of weird laws that will be a buzzkill for your weekend plans.

No bear wrestling, no driving blindfolded, no bathing in city fountains, and no fake moustaches that cause laughter in church. The church is a place for only your serious fake moustaches, folks.

2. We started the Civil War.

Yep, that was our fault. We sent a telegram on April 11, 1861, which authorized the capture of Fort Sumter and that was the first actual military action during the war. Afterward, Lincoln called for retaliation, and the war erupted.

3. We’re technically allowed to marry our cousins.

People love to call Alabamians incestuous. We won’t admit that according to the law, we’re totally allowed to be.

4. Our version of the National Anthem, Sweet Home Alabama, was only written because Neil Young totally told it like it is.

In Neil Young’s Alabama, and Southern Man, he calls out southern racism and refers to specific events during Alabama’s civil rights movement in a few interviews. Lynyrd Skynyrd got offended about The South being generalized, and penned Sweet Home Alabama in an effort to say, “Hey, we’re not all like that! Get out of our business!” Now, a massive subculture of southerners uses the song as a party and wedding anthem.

5. No sex toys allowed!

We banned them. No big deal though, because you can just go get a prescription from your doctor, and everything will be a-okay!

6. We apparently will believe anything.

In the age of social media and instant information, Alabamians have yet to distinguish the real from the fake, and we’re embarrassed about it. A local radio station was feeling particularly inspired by Orson Welles one day, and aired some fake alien attack ads, prompting citizens to enter sheer panic and keep the kids home from school. This was in 2013. We don’t want to talk about it.

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