1. “No homework until you finish football practice”
In Texas, football is life. For some students, it represents hope for getting a scholarship to UT Austin or any number of schools and escaping their small towns. For others, it’s primal, connecting them to their fathers, grandfathers, and friends in a history that almost spans the existence of the Lone Star State.
2. “Stay out as late as you want. I don’t really care.”
No one would ever accuse a Texas dad of choosing the carrot over the stick. Unlike California parents, who might be loose with their children’s whereabouts and activities, I’ve never met a laid-back father in Texas. Just like Texas, children have to win their independence from their parents; it isn’t given freely.
3. Dad jokes with a Texas twist
If you’re not a fan of corny humor filled with nonstop chuckling from the speaker (usually not the one listening), I recommend you don’t be born into a Texas family. Have you heard the one about the three-legged chicken?
4. The truth and nothing but the truth
Texas dads can’t stand BS — out of their mouths or coming from their child’s as an excuse. They want their sons and daughters Texas tough, and that means laying out the facts of life as they come: your dog isn’t on a farm in Amarillo; you’ll also probably get to see an R-rated movie before your Midwestern counterparts.
5. “I’ll just do it myself”
This is a common trait of dads across the world, believing they know everything about home improvement, construction, medicine, and everything you imagine your parents know at age six. The difference is… Texas dads usually have the experience to back up this claim. They can set a fracture in a splint, tar the roof, and hook up Direct TV to watch Fox News… just don’t ask them about Twitter.
6. An idiom for every occasion
“Yeah well, if a frog had wings, it wouldn’t bump his ass when he flew.”