Francis Mallmann Is a Pretentious Turd: 9 Reasons We Love to Hate Him Humor by Matador Creators Aug 11, 2017 1. He is either unwilling or unable to cook with anything less than a cord of wood. I don’t know which is worse. A post shared by Francis Mallmann (@francismallmann) on Nov 23, 2016 at 2:03pm PST 2. On Chef’s Table, he boasted of ditching old friends he’s grown bored of — yet he still makes time for these Princess Bride boots. A post shared by Francis Mallmann (@francismallmann) on May 15, 2016 at 5:13pm PDT 3. This is the unfriending ceremony he’s so perfected. The pots are cold and empty, just like his heart. A post shared by Francis Mallmann (@francismallmann) on Jun 28, 2017 at 7:59am PDT 4. He laughs in the face of aquatic safety. A post shared by Francis Mallmann (@francismallmann) on Feb 18, 2016 at 10:47am PST 5. The same goes for railroads. A post shared by Francis Mallmann (@francismallmann) on Dec 26, 2015 at 3:18pm PST 6. Shovels are his spatulas. Continents, his playgrounds. We get it, you “go big” — as all men named Francis must. A post shared by Francis Mallmann (@francismallmann) on Nov 26, 2016 at 3:47am PST 7. This fish experiment isn’t gonna work, and he knows it. A post shared by Francis Mallmann (@francismallmann) on Jun 28, 2016 at 6:15am PDT 8. He just couldn’t leave these poor pineapples alone. A post shared by Francis Mallmann (@francismallmann) on Aug 7, 2017 at 5:31am PDT 9. He possesses a virulently unapologetic joie de vivre, has a stable of young lovers across the globe, and lives better in one afternoon than most of us do in a lifetime. And for that Francis Mallmann, we spit on you! A post shared by Francis Mallmann (@francismallmann) on Mar 5, 2017 at 5:16am PST More like thisHumorCheck ‘White Savior Barbie’ Instagram Skewering Your Volunteer Selfies Trending Now The Most Romantic Couples Massages in Las Vegas Jul 28, 2026 The Top 10 Best Adults-Only All-Inclusive Caribbean Resorts Jun 24, 2026 These Airbnbs Have Epic Waterslides to Keep Your Crew Refreshed Aug 13, 2026 These Are The Best Packable Travel Jackets On The Market Aug 12, 2026 Sponsored In Daytona Beach, the Good Life Is at Your Fingertips Jul 16, 2026
