Spring break is a special time. A time when the general rules of human behavior go right out the window and doing things like living off tequila and Pringles is perfectly acceptable. A time when the only cure for a hangover is to start drinking again, and the only physical activity you need to worry about is flip cup.
It’s a glorious time. And it doesn’t need to end when college does.
Not that we’re espousing rolling through Cancun 20 years after graduation. But one company is looking for a qualified individual to live post-graduate life like it’s spring break all year long. EduBirdie, an online ghostwriting platform where people can “hire writing professionals to help them with their academic writing assignments” is hiring what they call a Glory Days Preservation Specialist.
This real-life Van Wilder will be tasked with traveling the nation’s college campuses promoting the service that absolutely in no way promotes students buying papers off the internet. He or she will seek out influential college students to help spread the word, all the while hosting parties, going to clubs, and documenting it all on social media.
The job posting on the oh-so-Gen Z Monster.com asks crucial pre-interview questions such as, “Do your parents keep telling you ‘It’s time to grow up’?” and “Did you party all night the night before a paper was due and finished your essay hours before you had to hand it in?” to ensure they’re attracting the right person.
Job responsibilities will include recruiting on-campus influencers, as well as throwing parties, creating food and beverage menus, planning games, and finding venues in which to hold “outrageous events.” So, yes, it will be work and will probably involve a lot more logistics than beer pong. But as post-graduate jobs go, you could do a lot worse.
It’s all-expense-paid travel, a schedule that only has you working during the academic year, and a chance to live like you drink Jäger for breakfast and get paid for it — so probably more fun than literally anyone else you know is having and definitely better than looking for a “real job.” Which, if you’re paying a service to write all your college papers for you, may take a long time to find.