1. When you talk about different cultures

“So you were brought up in Europe?”
“Yes. I was born and raised in Portugal.”
“I’ve been to Europe. It’s such a whore house.”
“Have you been to Portugal?”
“No, I went to Italy.”

2. When you talk about a woman’s appearance

“This is my friend. She is Portuguese.”
“Really, how come she does not have a moustache?”

3. When you introduce yourself

“You are not from around here, are you?”
“No, I am not. I am from Portugal.”
“Oh! Cristiano Ronaldo!”
“No, not really… My name is Sandra Guedes. Nice to meet you.”

4. When you talk about history

“Why do the Brazilians speak Portuguese instead of Spanish?”
“Well, because of the treaty of Tordesillas. In the beginning of the European discoveries the pope divided the world in half between the Spanish and the Portuguese…”
“Nooo, don’t be ridiculous. As if the pope would ever do that.”

5. When you talk about geography

“Where are you from?”
“From Portugal!”
“Oh really? I’d love to go to Brazil. What part are you from?”

6. When you correct our spelling

“Do you like chicken peri-peri?”
“Mmm… Do you mean chicken with piri-piri sauce?”
“No. I mean chicken with peri-peri sauce.”

7. When you speak about our language skills

“Can you interpret what this Spanish guy is saying?”
“Well I can try… But I do not speak Spanish very well.”
“Of course you do. You’re Portuguese.”

8. When you talk about the weather

“I need to buy a nice warm jacket or I’ll freeze to death this winter.”
“I can’t believe you never had to use jackets, coats, hats and gloves in Portugal.”
“Well, you know, we have seasons…”
“Yeah, but not winter.”
“I will let my brother know when he scrapes the ice of the window shield in January.”

9. When you talk about our home

“Where is home for you?”
“Portugal!”
“Oh cool. You are a Spaniard then.”

10. When you talk about the discoveries

“You must be so ashamed of your History. You know your ancestors pillaged and destroyed other cultures.”
“If my ancestors didn’t stay at home working in fields I would not be Portuguese. But I have nothing against those who left either.”

11. When you talk about living within the EU

“Would you like to go to Asia?”
“Yeah, but I need to get a passport first.”
“You mean you are working here illegally?”
“No, I don’t need one here. Your country is part of the EU too.”
“How can you live here without a passport?”

12. When you visit our country

“Coffee is really expensive in the Algarve.”
“Really!? Where did you stay?”
“In a resort in Albufeira.”
“Where else did you go?”
“I didn’t get out of the resort. It was too expensive.”

13. When you speak about social disparities

“That’s so unfair.”
“How would you know what’s the meaning of unfair in a country like Portugal?”

14. When you question why we left

“You are from Portugal? How cool. It’s so hot and sunny over there. I love it. Really nice hotels, great food and beautiful beaches. It’s so cheap and great for shopping. Why would you leave your country to come to over here? It’s so depressing here.”
“Apparently, I couldn’t pay my bills with sun.”

15. When you speak about the sea

“We have a very strong relationship with the sea.”
“Duh! That’s all you have.”

16. When you speak about Portuguese typical food

“I don’t really eat deep fat fried stuff.”
“What did you eat when you were living in Portugal?
“Everything else, my mum never really got us used to eat deep fat fried food.”
“Oh really? No Portuguese traditional food for you, then.”

17. When we meet another Portuguese expat

“It’s terrible isn’t it? It seems things just keep getting worse. I am so embarrassed from being from Portugal. I always just say I am European.”
“Don’t you like our food?”
“Yes, I love it. It’s the best. Last weekend, I invited some friends over and cooked for them.”
“Don’t you miss your family and friends?”
“Yes. All the time. I Skype with them whenever I can.”
“Do you visit Portugal regularly?”
“Yeah. I just booked my holidays.”
“So…what don’t you like about it?”